Anguish

I have a confession, I had let my fire burn low, I have not stoked the flames. I have had a passion for children for as long as I can remember. As I got older I tried to take it on, tried to fight for those who have no voice. I believed that I could impact the world one little child at a time. I could not look at pictures of orphans without feeling my heart break. We adopted 2 little girls and I thought this would quiet this inner voice, but the voice got louder, we adopted 3 more children and again I thought surely I have done my part and this voice will quiet. Only again it got louder. Yet to quiet this feeling I pulled in the worlds thoughts, I cannot save them all, there will always be more, its too hard, I will be doing all of my children a disservice if we keep bringing more home or if we go out to where they are. Yes it quieted, yes I was able to pretend it wasn't there, but I also saw a large portion of who God made me dissipate. I saw the quiet stillness of indifference sneak in, the coldness not just chill my passion for orphans but also my passion for life. I never had a word but passion for the feelings in my soul, it didn't seem like the right word. Passion should feel invigorating, amazing and lively. This was more of a sadness that drove me, a deep sense of injustice that I could not remove from my inner most being. Then I watched this video clip and it summed up what it is I have felt, what I have tried to ignore, that which captures my soul........anguish.........anguish over the children, the most helpless people. The tiny Zeke's in Africa who will take their last breath today because no one cares, the JD who is drinking from a dirty river and worms are invading his stomach and taking the tiny nutrients he needs to live. The Hannah who cannot find a soul who cares and turns her life to prostitution to sell her body to the highest bidder and in the process lose her dignity. The Caley and Riley who will grow up in the projects and find drugs a good way to take away the struggles of where they grow up. The drugs which will lead them too to crime, prostitution and jail. The Alex and AJ's who will grow up with it all and never be able to see those on the other side, who can be so blinded by the things of this world, that they never feel the need to look to a Savior, who live so comfortably that they cannot comprehend that they are poor in Spirit and are just as in need as those in Africa. We would never admit we don't care, but oh we don't. We can live as though these people aren't there, that these problems don't exist that we can't fix it all so why try attitude! Oh Lord forgive mankind for living in a world where we can overlook the brokenness of the world and still decide that our comfort and happiness is paramount! For the child I have in Liberia waiting on governments to move, for the 5 children who will spend this Christmas in a group home, my anguish has overflowed and my heart has again become raw for the fatherless.

Unexpected things!

Yesterday I heard about a little boy in an orphanage that needs a family by the 31st of October. If he did not find a home he would be transferred to an orphanage where he wouldn't be eligible for adoption. He is in a country that normally does not allow large families to adopt. However I sent an email just asking if they would make an exception because of his immediate situation. I really expected the woman to tell me that we wouldn't be able to help and I could let my conscious rest knowing I did all I could do. However she asked for more information and a picture of our current family and she is going to present it to the people in the other country to see if we can get an exception. This little boy is 7 years old and has some special needs. So now I sit and wonder.......will he be ours??? I told Alex today,I might not always do everything the best or know how its all going to work out but I hope God will say at least I tried! The thoughts of a hopeless future for a 7 year old orphaned child makes my heart break. So I will keep everyone updated!

Blogging slacker

I have been a blogging slacker. It hasn't been intentional. It hasn't been a test or some great thing I am trying to prove. Its just been life :) Homeschooling the kids has been keeping me busy. That along with the church plant that Randy and I have joined up with here. We have agreed to take on the Children's ministry. I have also been thinking a lot about something our pastor had said about working. He reminded us that we are made to work. He also reminded us that our work is done when Jesus returns. So I started thinking about life. I don't believe that caring for the orphans is a calling, it is a command. We are commanded to care for the widows and orphans. For me I have often thought great I have had 7 kids and technically they were all born before I turned 30 (granted some came home after I turned 30). Lately I have been looking at the world and how little it really takes to change a child's life. What impact a family has on kids. I am not a perfect mom and we are not a perfect family. I have cried many a tear over a child. I do know though that my 11lb 11 month old baby boy who couldn't sit up in Sept of 2007, is now an extremely tall and happy and healthy almost 4 year old. He loves his family, he is learning his abcs and he sleeps securely wrapped up in his blankets every night. I know that my girls who came to us scared and lonely with big tired bags under their eyes have found true rest in our home. They are 2 smiley extremely bright little girls who love life. I have seen my oldest 2 children learn to share their parents and lives and rooms and toys with 5 strangers without complaint. I have a 9 year old who came to us a tiny, malnourished, scared 6 year old who now is strong, healthy and looking forward to a life including college and a family. The life she left would have likely led her to poverty and exploitation. I see my 6 year old little boy who has taken 3 years to truly laugh. He was our silent boy in Sept of 2007, his bloated belly full of worms. He would listen and follow, his words slow and stuttered. Now we have to remind him of his manners when he boldly speaks out, he is healthy and finally we hear him giggle and laugh over silly songs and stories. Like I said we are definitely not perfect we don't have the answers and we live a busy life, but that said, I am ready for more work. I am ready for more if God sees fit. I have found myself lately looking at sibling groups of up to 8 children and mentally figuring out how we can make it work. I know that 8, 10, 12 or more kids sounds crazy, but usually its in the crazy not the mundane that God shows up in a mighty way. I don't know where it will lead, only God does, but I do hope that we can continue to have the privilege to cry, laugh and pray for more little (or big!) ones.

Milk and Dyes

Recently I have learned something about my littlest Zeke. He is 3 years old and he is HYPER....that is not what I learned, I already knew that. Anyone who has met him will agree, he is a sweet kid, but extremely hyper. He is the kid that scaled the crib, climbed the windowsills, jumps down the stairs. About a year ago I realized that dyes in his food especially red40 exacerbated his symptoms, he would eat jello and then roll around on the floor back and forth, jump on couches.......So we quickly removed as many dyes as we could from his diet. Which is surprisingly hard to do! There are dyes in EVERYTHING!!! Its actually quite concerning when you stop and look at how many dyes we put into our bodies and our kids bodies. So moving on he still was hyper and as he gets bigger it becomes more of a problem (did I mention he is in the 90% for height and he at 3 wears a size 12 shoe!) So recently I read that milk allergies can cause hyperness. So I decided to experiment and took him off milk for a few days.......it was crazy how much more calm and focused he was. I gave him some milk one day to test and he soon after was back to wild. So we are trying now to take most of the milk out of his diet for awhile and see what happens. We also learned last year that AJ has a pretty bad lactose intolerance. So we have been trying to find lots of milk free, dye free foods........Again most of what we eat had milk or dye! So over the next few months I am going to try to transition to cooking most of our own foods, sandwich breads, snacks, cereal........ Not sure how it will go as I am great at the planning and not always great at the follow through. So now I will be mom, teacher and allergy sensitive cook :)

Remembering 9/11

I remember I just walked into the house from a doctor's appointment. Alex was 3 and AJ was 1. I put my things down and flipped on the Today show, just in time to see the first plane hit the towers. I was stunned, thought at first it was just a bad accident. We were living in the northern part of Connecticut at the time and Randy was working in Boston. As details emerged that it was a terrorist attack I tried calling everyone, but our line kept saying all circuits were busy. I was so afraid! The whole thing seemed impossible. I never felt such a pride to be an American, I was never so thankful to know that I knew Jesus in a personal way. I cried overtime I saw firefighters in parades. I watched the attempt of terrorists to take away my faith in both my country and my God and yet for the first time I was putting flags up everywhere, I wasn't missing a moment of church, I was learning what it meant to be blessed and how to pray for others who were hurting. It made me appreciate our country in a way I couldn't express, that is life for so many who face terrorist attacks daily. Today I stand with all the people expressing my sympathy for those who lost a loved one on 9/11. I also stand to say today is the day to ask Jesus to be your savior, we don't know what tomorrow brings so please do not wait.

In 50 years..........

It won't matter that I got more sleep, my house was well decorated, I figured out how to use make up or that my house was never picture perfect. It won't matter that I am not 100% confident in how to do it all right or that I had enough "me" time..........

It WILL matter who is gathered around me and how many people I touched.

New Life

Today I got the opportunity to attend my sisters ultrasound. She is due in early November/late October. It was amazing to see the little guy moving all around. Watching how perfect each little part of him was formed. Only a God can do such magical work. I can't wait to meet my new nephew and hold him! I am one blessed aunt!

Tonight we are taking the kids to the kickoff party for the homeschool group we joined. Its a pool party and the kids are super excited. I was happy to see we weren't the only rsvp with 9 people attending! Monday is our first official day of homeschooling..........ready or not here we go!

Do you ever find yourself asking the same question a thousand ways?

I have prayed and search many times how should I be serving God? I go through waves of feeling as though I am closer to God and times when I feel far away. I have times where I trust and times when I doubt. Yet no matter how many studies I do, sermons I listen to, prayers I pray I get back to the fundamental thought of .........how am I to serve you Lord? Whats funny is this week I have been again finding myself praying this prayer. For the first time the Lord has opened my eyes to the answer over and over and over (yes I am a slow learner) he has given me. He opened my eyes to the times in my life I have felt under the cover of the Lord, the times when I haven't wondered daily is this it, should I be doing more, which direction shall I go? He brought me to the times in life, life makes sense. It brings me to the moments when I have fully and totally given myself to being a wife and mother. When I have looked to Randy to lead us as a family. Not where can I serve and where can he serve, but where are we going together. Caring more about loving my husband and kids day in an day out instead of looking at how I can go out on my own and do "stuff". Now mind you "stuff" can be good, it can be serving others or working or visiting or generally doing, but that is not the times I am in the presence of the Lord. Sure I might do it in His name, but really I am neglecting what He has clearly given me. I think my issues come down to, really can homemade dinners, clean houses and families budgets really save souls. Is that living radically for Jesus? I don't know the answer, but what I do know is God has shown me that for His purpose, I feel the closest to His presence when that is my focus and stress and anxiety comes when I try to figure out what I can do for God. Truth is, He has it under control, he doesn't "need" me to do anything. I can offer Him nothing more then He has! I do know that I am called to be submissive to my husband and that I am to raise up my children in the Lord, I know I am to be my husbands helpmeet. Thank you Jesus for showing my what I thought was "that's it?" has been IT all along.

Getting older and all is well..........

We had a great weekend. Some friends came out to visit and it was so much fun to see them. Then I had coffee with a new friend out here and we talked and laughed. Today is my birthday, yesterday the kids woke me up yelling HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I was mid dream and it scared me half to death! They (plus Randy) had made me a huge breakfast. Today they will make tacos and a birthday cake. I am blessed to have such great kids and a husband that remind me that I am loved! I also appreciate them making sure my heart is still working at 32 by the Happy Birthday shouts from 7 from a sound sleep.

Sometimes its funny how blogs or stories can make it sound like people have these perfect lives..........Truth is no one's life is perfect, we all have moments when we wonder, what are we doing, why are doing, how are we doing........... Take for example yesterday, I have an unnamed son who announced to me (when asked why he was not being a good listener) that he doesn't really want to be helpful and he thinks that mom should do all the cleaning........ Yet this morning he thought all is fair when its time for birthday donuts, he was sure that he should get one because, he likes birthdays....of course! We have had our share of temper tantrums, broken items from "nobody" and enough attitude to last a lifetime. Many nights the thoughts of making dinner make me want to lock myself in my room.......not because I don't like cooking (well raw meat freaks me out), but because I know I waited to long to make anything delicious, I have tired hungry kids following me, I am missing 1 ingredient from every recipe I look at and I remember I forgot the laundry sitting in the washer all day! I have one day where an unnamed child ran to the neighbors house to ask to live with them because they didn't like the consequence of going to bed early. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but I definitely am no expert in how to do it perfectly. I like to share this blog to hopefully show people how our life works, but I hope I never put out there anything that's not real.

Who I am

The thing about moving to a new area is no one really knows you. For some moves its been great to start new, as sometimes its hard to shake who you were and who you are. However sometimes not knowing who you were can set a false idea of who you are. I don't ever want to seem fake or not genuine. I finally almost 32 years into my life am comfortable with my past, realize who I am has been a journey. I am not afraid to live, but I do have my fears! I didn't follow the perfect plan for life, but hearing and listening to others I have learned, most people haven't. There is always more below the surface. I have learned not to assume all is as it seems and that its OK! I don't have life figured out and I am not sure I want to. I won't measure up to some in my mind, but I am farther then I ever thought I could be. I am not sure measuring up would make me any happier anyway. My standard of measurement changes with the wind, as does my dreams. Its who I am. I am a big dreamer, a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a self conscious woman at times, a self confident woman at times.......... I feel as though I can take on the world, but yet some days it seems too much to leave the house. I am a grass is greener person, I can get extremely excited about life and then in day crash when I don't see it happening. I am impatient. I am a sucker for kids, especially those in need, but I am a strict mom. I step out in faith and then I doubt, I have a lot in common with Thomas. I love the Lord, but struggle with always leading a disciplined life. I am lucky to have a husband who accepts me who I am and fills in where I lack. I have thin skin and take too much personal. I want to be everything to everyone who needs it but I can get down when I can't. I am me, its who I am :)

We arrived!

We made it to the new house and its fantastic! The kids are settling in, anxious to make some new friends. I have visited with my sister, brother in law and nephew a ton. Probably more in the last week then in the last few years. We have about 98% of the house unpacked. I am excited to see what this chapter of life brings. The move went well, except our things took a beating. I wouldn't recommend ABF movers. Most of our items were damaged, box springs crushed, couches ripped, ping pong table torn up, furniture scratched. We even had professional movers load the truck and it still arrived all beat up. Luckily we aren't too attached to things, so we will just file a claim and stay excited for our new adventure. This way its no pressure when the kids break stuff.... :) Since we didn't sell our other house and rented it out, the cost of this move came out of pocket, so this new adventure starts will us buckling down and becoming super frugal. I like to make it like a game, that way it doesn't seem like work. We will try to pinch penny's and pay off all debt we have incurred. Back to unpacking the last 2%!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 days and counting......

In 8 days we will leave our home and head to our new home! I can't wait to see what God has planned for us!! I have 77 boxes packed and still some more to go. The new house is all ready for us to move into. We have a deal with the people moving in to rent with the option to purchase. They have said they really want to buy it, so we are moving in faith that they will! If not in about 2 years my posts will be about selling our house up here! So we are at the wonderful part of the move, we have 6 days to pack up and after 7 moves we are pretty good at sorting out what we need. As of right now only one important thing (my phone charger) is in a taped up box, which we will need to reopen. I do love moving, I like the adventure of a new place to explore, the new house, the new neighborhood. I don't really like the new doctors and dentists and forms times 7 (although strangely enough I do love filling out forms). This move is different then our last 3 moves because we are moving closer to family. My sister and her family will be only 20 minutes from us!! We haven't lived that close to any family for the past 5 years! I am so excited for that.

I am looking forward to all the changes happening in our life. I am excited to move back to the south and I am excited to start homeschooling. Randy and I have wanted to move to this area for years, yet we always seemed to overshoot it or head the wrong way. For us, its like finally a dream we literally have talked about since high school coming true. Its a corny dream, but we just always loved the area and even before we knew much about it had a drive to move there. Life is going to look so different for us in just a week, its hard to believe!

The adoption...

Some people have asked us how the adoption is going. Sadly its not going nor looking close to starting. We haven't given up hope, we never will. We will pack up another package for him to send halfway around the world with treats to make him happy for one day. Its not like we have given up the dream of him coming home, but its like when I miscarried a baby, its not the end of the dream, we try again. However their comes a point when life has to move forward and you have to stop and get the pictures done without him. You have to see where your going in life without the what ifs. Like getting pregnant if it happens wonderful and then life will change then, but for now to keep my heart from being troubled, I have to imagine he won't come home and what we do then. We have waited for years for him to come home and join us. We started hoping when we first heard about him in Sept. of 07. We have prayed, prepared, walked in faith and like I said I pray he will and this will all happen. However the country has not opened and they aren't in any hurry. So because of that an orphaned boy will grow up another year alone with no mom and dad to love them and a mom and dad who love him will not get to watch him grow up....for now....

Got what we wanted!

We just got news that we will be able to rent the house we wanted the most. Its nice to know where we are going to be! Now we are just working out the details of the rent/purchase of this house. Its in the town we wanted to be in the most, the closest one we liked to my sister and it has enough bedrooms and an office for Randy to work out of!

Now I just need to learn my lesson and TRUST God and not freak out when it seems all hope is lost, because I am slowly learning thats when He loves to show up in a royal way. He doesn't leave his children to scramble He just arrives at the right time. He even promises to know what I need before I ask. Yet still I worry and stress and just like I do with my own kids He probably is rolling his eyes with a smirk thinking, this again, when will she learn. Luckily he is endlessly patient with me. Luckily he gave me a husband who is endlessly patient with me.

The second good news of the day.....Alex had written a story about how our family has come together and submitted it to her favorite magazine, Clubhouse (published by Focus on the Family) in March of 09. Today I got a call saying they had it were going to publish it in their November edition! Her dream is to be an author. She has lots of books she has started and stories she has written. She is a dreamer who makes dreams happen. She currently has a business where she makes friendship bracelets and donates all the money to orphans in Liberia and a girl in American with cancer. Now she has her first published piece and she is sooooo happy! Not bad for 12!

I am back!

Its been a long time since my last blog. Whats happened since then.....we finally got an offer on our house. Not what we were expecting by an offer to lease our house with the option to buy it. So we are moving in a few weeks back to the south, to Texas! Time to pull out the cowboy boots and hats. Start saying things like fixin and lovin on.............although I cannot bring myself to call it a sack, southerners must understand that where I grew up in the Northeast, that has an entirely different meaning and it makes me giggle inappropriately, it will remain a bag....

We are waiting to hear about a house to rent. We are in the awful time of waiting with no control over anything. My husband agrees with me when I say I have a bit of a control issue. I prefer to have it. We are supposed to head down in 3 weeks and we have 30 boxes packed and are just praying for God to work out the rest. Actually in some ways its kind of exciting. I like to pretend I am faithful enough to be a missionary and what a fraction of this feeling I get to experience, just waiting on God for a new adventure. I did spend a few days dwelling on the what ifs, and I got to play Thomas the doubter. God was faithful and pulled me right up and brushed me off and put me back on track. My eyes are solidly above me and I am determined to walk this all in faith. Not perfectly by any means, because I still struggle with the lack of control thing.

I will post more soon, I miss blogging and even if no one reads it, I like to pretend they do!

Gray hair....

So in the past couple years the gray hairs have started growing fast and furious! For the first time this weekend, Randy even noticed how many. My first instinct was to color them! I have the medium brown hair color under the sink ready to go. So whats the blog post about? I can't make myself do it! The curiosity has kicked in to see what I will look like if I don't cover it. Then it got me thinking, why do so many woman color their hair? Whats wrong with what our body already does? Why are so many women obsessed with looking younger, when the truth is we don't stay younger, we all get older? Then I thought I think too much...... So not sure yet if I will go for the color or let it go silver........I like the word silver better then gray....

Whew fun on ebay!

As we were cleaning out the basement in hopes of moving someday, I decided to put a few things up on ebay. As you can see above, we have quite a few clothes to purge! Its one thing about having a lot of kids, clothes just collect! I didn't think they would sell because my few tries on ebay in the past haven't gone far. But they sold! I was so excited to make some money and help clean out the basement! I am using the money earned to buy things for next year. We have decided to homeschool all 7 kids next year. I am super excited. Its something I have wanted to do for awhile but it just never was the right timing in all of the family's hearts. First my oldest daughter approached me a few months ago saying she was interested in it, then my son followed, then my husband too and I was so excited to see things I have been praying and thinking about be confirmed! So it will be an adventure, but we are all excited. So my hope is that this summer we will finish cleaning out the basement, have a yard sale, sell the house, pack up, move to Texas and get homeschooling underway. My prayer too is that sometime in their Liberia opens and Keith comes home to join our little school :)

Make Mothers Day Matter!!

This is an awesome organization that is run by an incredible lady. PLEASE consider donating to this cause! I know those of us who are mothers know how much love a mother has for her child, regardless of their circumstances. I was a 19 year old mom who was scared to have her first baby, I almost died, my baby could have died.... I was forever blessed to be living in a country in which doctors could save my life and my daughters. That was 12 years ago and because of that blessing, I can be a mama to 6 more children and Alex is an amazing girl! So PLEASE give these women and children dignity!

BECAUSE EVERY MOTHER MATTERS
What they do.....To reduce the occurrence of maternal and infant mortality by providing sterile birthing kits, holistic childbirth and development centers, and sponsorships of mothers in East Africa

We have no trinkets to sell. We have nothing that you can purchase to give to your mothers or women of importance in your life on Mother's Day. All we have is a vision. A vision of a holistic maternity and infant development center to be built half way around the world...in a village probably not big enough to be on a map. Because- it is not okay that 1 in 11 women in E.Africa dies due to pregnancy related causes. What do we need? Simply-We need money. What can we offer this Mother's Day? Hope. And the assurance that 100% of your donations go towards building the clinic. There are 3 Fridays left until Mother's day. We are asking 3 things. 1. Every Friday donate $10 that is a total of $30. 2. On Fri. make this your status and provide a link or address to donate. 3.Please let your mom, your friend, your wife, your daughter know that THEY MATTER!

http://www.domaconnection.org/ Please memo BEMM when donating

I am a terrible blogger lately!

I would love to say that I have been so super busy doing wonderful and amazing things lately so I haven't had time to update. Truth be told....I just haven't had anything to write much about lately! Things here are turning spring like, and I am loving it. After the long winter days with no time to play outside, the whole family is relieved to burn off energy on bikes and wagons! We have had our house for sale for 3 months now and only have had 4 showings and 0 offers. I am trying to be patient while God works out the details. It is nice knowing we can move whenever and Randy doesn't have to be in another state to start a job without us! Still no news on when Liberia is going to pass new adoption laws and when we can bring Keith home. Our homestudy expires this month and we will have to update it or get a new one in Texas if we move before things open. Its funny I feel as though I should feel defeated and feel like he will never come home, yet I am hopeful. I explained to the kids tonight during our devotion, my experience in life has been that when God lets us walk through hard times, he never lets us walk in it forever. He is always waiting around the corner with a bigger blessing then we can imagine. So many times I have let myself fall into the trap of believing that because it doesn't look like what I planned God must have forgotten me....now through experience of faith, I KNOW the harder this wait for Keith, the more beautiful God's plan will be.

On to funnier news........ Zeke and I tonight had a battle of the wills, I told him if he was going to be nice and stay in his bed I would give him a kiss and leave the light on in the hall...he replied....no I think I will be rude tonight turn off the light. Then he took my kiss off his lips with his hand and handed it back!! Later I hear a little voice say......mom I am ready to be nice, can I have my fooch (which is what he calls a kiss). So I kissed him and he STAYED in his bed! Woohoo I win :)

Its funny......

I can remember being in school and having to leave for a doctors appointment or be out sick and feeling a weird sense of thrill driving around seeing what was going on all that time I was in school. I remember wondering what life would be like when I didn't have to go to school and I could be free! I remember feeling like such a failure when I brought home less then good grades in Geometry, Technical Drawing and Chemistry. I honestly did try hard in school, if you don't count homework which I was terrible at remembering to do. The thought struck me as I was driving around the other afternoon at 1 when school was in session. I am here I have arrived!!!!!! Well honestly I have been here awhile, it just seems that starting your family while you are in school (college for me) tends to keep you busy enough to keep some thoughts away for awhile. What occurred to me though was more important then the periodic table to my life was my mom and dad teaching me about having a checkbook, technical drawing has never touched my life but more importantly was learning how to drive. Don't get me wrong I am a huge fan of education, without it we are a third world nation. However, I am learning that education is just a piece of who we are. Some people are drawn to drawing and end up architects or are excited about chemistry and work in labs or someone who loves geometry...ummmmm to be honest not sure where that leads........ I watch my kids soar in some subjects and struggle with others and I hope I can show them that we all can't be good at everything, nor are we designed to be! Take the things you love and run with it, as for the rest do your best! I find it funny that I spent 13 years in public school and that was what my whole life revolved around and now my kids bring home work that I kinda remember learning about, but since then I have not ever thought about it or used it! Just random thoughts..............

My first award!

How exciting I got my first blog award thingy! I was nominated by Steffany who is a wonderful amazing woman! She is truly inspirational and is "that" lady. You know the one that you read their blog or hear about and wish they were your friend, cuz they are just that cool..... So you can imagine how giddy I felt when I saw my name up there :)

For this award I am suppose to list 10 things that make me happy....
1. Jesus
2. Randy
3. All of my children
4. Babies
5. Vacations
6. Swimming
7. Baking
8. Music
9. Watching kids change when they have stability
10.Watching weather

Then I am supposed to pass this award onto 10 other people .....
1. HollyAnn-- Without here we would still be a family of 4. She was not only a great adoption agency provider, but a great friend! She is incredibly strong and determined. She follows God with her whole heart.

2. Summer is a woman who I have never met and lives worlds away in Uganda. Her spirit and determination to follow God inspire me. She is a mom to many beautiful children!

3. Michelle and her family are a family that I have met through blogging. Their journey has taken them to 3 countries (almost) with 6 children! Talk about amazing!!

4.The Burkulator cracks me up! She is a highlight of my blog reading day. She is funny and very insightful!

5. Chrissy is someone I knew through school. Her blog is funny and her kids amazingly adorable! She is truly a great mom.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT 5!!

Discussions with 9 year olds.........

I was having a discussion about babies in utero and showing pictures to AJ and Hannah and this is part of it....

AJ: Whoa we were like tadpoles

Me: Sort of see here is the spine starting to grow

Hannah: Ewww babies are see through

AJ: Whats that cord

Me: That's how the baby gets food, blood and oxygen

AJ: so the baby can't breathe

Hannah: Oh my gosh won't it die!

AJ: So that's what they cut when it comes out

Me: Yes that's where your belly button comes from

Hannah: Oh no someone cut off my belly button!

AJ: No that's whats left when the chunk falls off right mom

Me: Yes I suppose.....

Hannah: So does the baby just fall out one day....

Me: Ahhh that's the dream of all women....not quite that easy.

So much out of my hands

These days I feel like I am constantly waiting. Waiting for news from Liberia, waiting to see if and when we will become a family of 10, waiting for someone to buy our house, waiting to start our life in Texas. I can admit that I am a very impatient person. My personality consists of highs and lows. I can go from believing anything is possible to nothing is possible in about 5 minutes time. I wish this was something I could change, as I suppose life would be easier if I knew how to stay even tempered all the time. I have prayed for God to change me and he hasn't. I am consistently a huge dreamer who falls hard :) Randy would agree and thankfully after 15 years together he knows and predicts it. I am a person who will work 100% at something I feel like I have some control over. If I am asked to do something I will have it done immediately, I definitely do procrastinate much. However with all the stuff I am waiting on I can do nothing. When someone asks me to write a letter or call a senator I do it right away. However when the senator doesn't respond or the letter falls on deaf ears nothing changes. God is teaching me how to pray in all of this. Not so much rote prayers or it would be nice prayers, but bold prayers. The type you want to fall on your knees and tell God what He already knows...........I can't control life, and I don't want life to control me! And life here goes on :)

We are moving.....again!

I haven't been blogging much because I have been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning.........because yes folks its true..we are moving again. We moved from Texas to Illinois about 19 months ago. Really we have not enjoyed living up here. We have no family around and we just haven't really settled. So Randy has the opportunity to work remotely so we have made the decision to move back to Texas. My sister and her husband live there so we will be near family. So bring on the warmth and the sweet tea! Really now is the hardest part for me. Our house is on the market and the market is awful and I am completely impatient. I am trusting that God has a plan in all of this, but as with the adoption of Keith...sometimes his timing is a LOT longer then my timing. We have had the house on the market for about 10 days now and we still haven't had 1 showing! We had a broker tour but still nothing... I am a person of highs and lows, I wish I wasn't but I can't help but be me. So if we hear good news I am super excited, but then if we have no showings I am in tears.....crazy I know but its me. Once I have a plan in my mind I want to get moving on it already. I will be so happy to leave the snow blower behind! So here's to prayers of selling the house and bringing Keith home before school ends...........miracles happen right?

Loss catches you off guard

About 5 years ago I lost my mom to ovarian cancer. She was only 59. Growing up I was her baby, the youngest of 5. I can admit that I was spoiled a bit. I loved being with her when I was little. I had a lot of food allergies so she always kept me close, just in case. She was my biggest cheerleader and somehow when I talked to her she could make me believe that anything was possible. She taught me how to be a mom, she drove me to finish my education, she supported me even when I came home at 19 pregnant. She had the biggest smile at my wedding and was the most amazing grandmother to my kids. Some days, like today, for no apparent reason my mind floods with memories and the tears start falling. I miss her. This feeling I try to remember when my adopted kids have a rough day. When memories flood their minds when the loss is overwhelming....when you miss your mom. When you just want to feel bad for the moments lost, for the times that won't happen, for the memories that start to fade. Its then that we need families that are here to pick us up, to give us a hug, to believe in us, to let us cry. That to me is what adoption is about. As an adult losing a parent was devastating and I was so grateful for my husband, dad, brother and sisters to hold me up. These kids that lose everything need the same thing too. Not to replace something unreplacable but to love them anyway, hold them up and let them cry.

Some products make me think....

I just saw a product for sale that promised to make my toddler love reading....

Here is some advice from a mom of 7 who love to read and with a degree in education....ready.... if you want your kids to read and love reading..READ TO THEM and take them to the library. Get excited about going as much as when you are taking them to any fun activity. Talk it up as much as we talk up sports. Also my way is very frugal :)

While I am on the subject, the best way to teach your children self control and imagination is not through the latest team or class or toy....let them be bored! Kids who are bored will learn how to entertain themselves by using their imagination. Let them have plenty of free time without you dictating what they will do or where they will go. I would love to buy a small farm just to give my kids more of an opportunity to learn on their own and discover life through being "bored"

I will step off my soapbox now......