The Journey

I was reading an article lately that made me start to think.  I tend to struggle with comparing myself.  Its not biblical, its not mature...but its real and I do it.  I look at another woman or read a blog or other social media thing and I start to wonder if I am making the right choices, or start to pick apart what is going on in my personal life.  However the other day I was reading something that was so freeing, it said that when we are walking with the Lord and making lifestyle decisions based on biblical principles, we do not have to defend it.  It was then I realized my comparing came from a heart of feeling as though I needed to defend my choices if they didn't look mainstream.  Choosing to have a large family and putting an idea of a career on perhaps permanent hold, how I dress, what I listen to or watch, what I allow or do not allow my children to do, how much disposable income we have and what that limits when you have such a large family...these are all things that I am constantly in my mind trying to find the perfect words to defend...mostly to myself.  However all those things are really the journey God has put me on.  Our family doesn't always look like the others, we can't do some things as easily.  Most of my children have come from very hard places and that can affect what our daily life looks like.  Its reassuring to me that Jesus says, we will not look like the world.  Because in the chaos of life I need the reminder because my flesh some days would love to be the one who blends in, some days I am weary.  I have to remind myself in these times that the weariness comes because I am on a journey.  Journey's make us weary, but they also allow us to experience new things, they help us find a purpose and make a life worth living. Whenever we are on a journey some parts are exhilarating, some parts are good and other parts are drudgery.  I think of traveling to Bulgaria a few years ago.  It was exhilarating meeting my daughter, it had fun experiences and I got real experience in traveling to a foreign country, but the travel was exhausting and sometimes during the flights I just wanted it to be over.   I am also learning that I do not need to find a defense for God's ideals.  I can rest in knowing, he says it, I do it and he can take care of the rest.  I find it funny sometimes how I try to merge the things of the world with the things of God and then get all frustrated when it doesn't work.  Like when I believe just a little more money will make things easier so I can focus more on my spiritual path.....fail......or when I want to serve the Lord wholeheartedly in my home, but I also want to look good so I try to wear nice clothes or fix my hair and makeup only to spill some cooking oil on myself, accidentally rub my eyes because I was outside with the kids and end up with hair resembling Weird Al....fail....  Or my favorite I want to have 8 children from various backgrounds, put them in one family and then have the perfect TV family life....in reality we have some pretty weird and annoying stuff going on here.  I can't have it all, I laid down my life years ago to trust God and begin a beautiful journey that has made me someone that the high school me would not recognize.  I know the heart of God and I need to drop the baggage and run freely to him.  I need to embrace the journey and accept that it is not going to look mainstream or frankly even slightly normal sometimes, I will get weary but I will not fall, I will have troubles but will not be overcome, because these are the promises of my God.

The love of money

Today I was talking with Rosie about the adoption process and we were looking at the other children waiting for families and I began thinking of the verse that tells us money is the root of all evil....As I began to think if money was no object her 2 friends from her orphanage who are about to age out of the system and never experience a family choosing them I would gladly set up 2 more beds and set up 2 more plates for dinner.  Sadly though...its money.. the cost of adoption...the cost of travel...the cost of food and clothes and all children entail...

Money keeps children orphaned
Money enslaves the poor
Money keeps the homeless on the street
Money traffics the innocent
Money separates the have and have nots
Money starves the hungry
Money tears apart families
Money tells us we can't
Money keeps us from following our passion
Money makes us doubt our Savior

I should not blame the physical currency, as Jesus directs, its the love of money.  We love what money can give us and so we want more and want bigger and faster and easier and we fail (myself included) to count the cost.  How often do we not realize that our lifestyle is supporting slavery, child labor, trafficking?  How often are we dissatisfied with the amazing life we are given because we see and we can not have or we can not afford to do?  How often do we struggle or stress doing things to just pay the bills?  We have enslaved ourselves to money.  Do we really need more?  Does it have to be nicer, faster, more fun?  Children will never know the love of a parent, an ill man or woman will not have a place to sleep tonight, a person will labor in a field or factory and be paid so little they can not eat  and for what....so that we can enjoy the pleasures of the world.  We are not storing up things in heaven when we can sleep peacefully knowing these things are occurring and yet still feel as though I do not have enough.  I write this mostly out of my own realization that I had let my heart close for a season, I didn't think about those faces or those things.  I have been stressing over money, possessions, activities and I am thankful today that God has reawakened my heart to the truth.  The more we add to our lives the more we separate ourselves from the one thing that brings true peace and joy.