I took a look today back at an old blog that I kept and read through some of the old posts. Funny how we swear we won't forget stuff, then life happens and we forget! The best parts of looking back over life is remembering the good. Sure we know the mundane happened and we know it wasn't sunshine and roses all the time, but there is a lot of good. I forget how little the kids were and how big they seemed at the time. As I am sure I will look back how little they were these days. I am definitely not as good as a blogger as I used to be! I tend to not talk as much about daily life, so I want to get back to that so when I look back here I have my memories. Today is a lazy Sunday, Alex is baking cupcakes, Zeke is watching his favorite John Deere Tractor video for the 1000th time, Caley, Riley and JD are in a very loud game of Trouble and Hannah is in her room listening to music. Randy and AJ met up with my brother in law to go to a food fest of spicy foods....I am not that brave. We are still waiting on our I800 approval for Rosie from the US government so that we can send it Bulgaria where they can then take it to the court, finalize the adoption and then get Rosie's visa and passport. Then she will be home! We got new dressers this weekend to move things around to make room for one more, soon we will put up her bed and put her clothes in her drawers. Its beginning to feel real! After 2 adoptions get far and end its hard to believe this one is going to happen.
To the abused woman you are loved and prayed for. You have more strength than you believe, you have a God who has never left your side.
To the pregnant woman you can do this, that child will only be a child for awhile, but you will be a mother forever. You have been given the greatest blessing in your womb.
To the mother who gave her child up for adoption, your child is loved and safe and you will be reunited someday in a place without pain or jealousy. You were a precious link in that child's walk with the Lord and you are never forgotten.
To the woman who has been infertile, your pain is understood and validated. You are not missing your calling, it is part of your calling, your God has it and He alone knows that this is part of your walk with Him, your needed.
To the lonely woman, your never alone your God is leading. Others are praying for you and others feel just as lonely and are waiting for someone to take the lead.
To the lost woman, you are never truly lost, your just looking in the wrong direction, look up for your Saviour awaits to lead you.
To the woman who feels burdened, there is one who will carry that. A God so strong he can handle whatever it is and offer you rest.
To the woman who feels as though she doesn't fit in, a little note, we all feel that way! You are a gift waiting to be received by others. An interesting/unusual gift is usually the best kind.
To the woman who feels like she has made too many mistakes, its never too late to turn around and come home. You have a father to run to who will forgive you and wipe away your tears.
To the woman who is mourning, you will be reunited. Run to the one who heals our heart.
Yesterday we dropped off two of our children to attend a winter retreat with our church. It was the first time we have done this and it was a strange feeling letting them go. They are a part of Randy and I and we are used to them being here. Even though its for a few days, it reminded us how quickly the years will pass when it will be bringing them to college and then into their first homes.... Bittersweet times of letting go and yet watching them achieve what you have always prepared them for. After I was filling out some final paperwork for Rosie's adoption and I began to think about her life in contrast. She has been in an orphanage as long as she can remember. No one to wring their hands at the thought of her not being around, no one to think about how a situation is going to affect her, no one to lose sleep when she is sick or emotionally drained. No one to cry as she went off to kindergarten, watching those tiny legs carry her up the steps to her school. No one to shake their head as she walked into junior high wondering where the time went. I couldn't help but think, don't we all as humans have a right to that simple thing. To experience that kind of love as a child, to feel that special when we are young. How many other Rosie's are there out there that don't even know what its feels like to be missed? How many others will age out of their orphanage or foster care system and lose their chance to be missed? I have to say filling out the paperwork, leaving the kids to travel and especially finding the money for the bills the adoption is accruing is hard, but can it even begin to compare to the idea of leaving another child who has missed 13 years of being missed in an orphanage? I realize that the orphans will always be among us, we will never solve the problem, but how exciting it is to know this one is coming home, this one will have a mom and dad with tears on their cheeks when she graduates high school, goes off to college, shows us the engagement ring, gets her first job. A mom and dad who holds their breath as she first drives a car, who celebrates her sweet 16 and wonder where the years are going, who shakes their head as they watch her outgrow her clothes AGAIN! Who wonder what she will do in life and celebrate when she does it. Yes adoption is messy and very expensive, but how much is that worth? How much is too much when that is what is at stake? Hopefully we are only weeks away from our Rosie coming home for good.
As I sit up with my 6 year old, who doesn't get the whole stay up late sleep in connection yet. I have some time to reflect on 2012 and think about 2013. Last year was a good year here at our house. We talked with the kids yesterday and realized that it was a year of fun and good family times. It was a year we learned that we would grow to 8 children! For some of our children it was a year of some major growth, both emotional and physical. For me it was a year of learning to reflect on what God has already provided and start to take comfort in the reality that He will provide. I am also learning that their is no magic formula to anything in life. Most people who seem like they have it all together or know what they are doing are flying by the seat of their pants hanging on to life. Its pretty much how Randy and I have always lived, thinking planning, but then shrugging our shoulders and jumping in. Now I can see that those jumps, whether into good or bad are what have defined our lives. I see my older kids getting to those stages in life where the jumps are smaller, but none the less anxiety provoking and I am so proud to see or hear them ready to jump even when the outcome isn't certain. I am a HUGE fan of play it safe, yet when God is ready to move me He gives me the courage to jump. I used to be very sad at the thought of my kids growing up and moving on, while I still struggle with the whole how do you handle a Christmas when they can't come home!! I am understanding more and more that God will have a new season then and I can't understand it yet because He has held my hand and asked me to trust Him. I remember when we started the adoption process the first time we were sure we could ONLY handle a newborn adoption. Now we are about to welcome a 13 year old and we are ready to JUMP! So here is to 2013, a year of recognizing the power in walking hand and hand with my Savior. Happy New Year!!