Discussions with 9 year olds.........

I was having a discussion about babies in utero and showing pictures to AJ and Hannah and this is part of it....

AJ: Whoa we were like tadpoles

Me: Sort of see here is the spine starting to grow

Hannah: Ewww babies are see through

AJ: Whats that cord

Me: That's how the baby gets food, blood and oxygen

AJ: so the baby can't breathe

Hannah: Oh my gosh won't it die!

AJ: So that's what they cut when it comes out

Me: Yes that's where your belly button comes from

Hannah: Oh no someone cut off my belly button!

AJ: No that's whats left when the chunk falls off right mom

Me: Yes I suppose.....

Hannah: So does the baby just fall out one day....

Me: Ahhh that's the dream of all women....not quite that easy.

So much out of my hands

These days I feel like I am constantly waiting. Waiting for news from Liberia, waiting to see if and when we will become a family of 10, waiting for someone to buy our house, waiting to start our life in Texas. I can admit that I am a very impatient person. My personality consists of highs and lows. I can go from believing anything is possible to nothing is possible in about 5 minutes time. I wish this was something I could change, as I suppose life would be easier if I knew how to stay even tempered all the time. I have prayed for God to change me and he hasn't. I am consistently a huge dreamer who falls hard :) Randy would agree and thankfully after 15 years together he knows and predicts it. I am a person who will work 100% at something I feel like I have some control over. If I am asked to do something I will have it done immediately, I definitely do procrastinate much. However with all the stuff I am waiting on I can do nothing. When someone asks me to write a letter or call a senator I do it right away. However when the senator doesn't respond or the letter falls on deaf ears nothing changes. God is teaching me how to pray in all of this. Not so much rote prayers or it would be nice prayers, but bold prayers. The type you want to fall on your knees and tell God what He already knows...........I can't control life, and I don't want life to control me! And life here goes on :)

We are moving.....again!

I haven't been blogging much because I have been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning.........because yes folks its true..we are moving again. We moved from Texas to Illinois about 19 months ago. Really we have not enjoyed living up here. We have no family around and we just haven't really settled. So Randy has the opportunity to work remotely so we have made the decision to move back to Texas. My sister and her husband live there so we will be near family. So bring on the warmth and the sweet tea! Really now is the hardest part for me. Our house is on the market and the market is awful and I am completely impatient. I am trusting that God has a plan in all of this, but as with the adoption of Keith...sometimes his timing is a LOT longer then my timing. We have had the house on the market for about 10 days now and we still haven't had 1 showing! We had a broker tour but still nothing... I am a person of highs and lows, I wish I wasn't but I can't help but be me. So if we hear good news I am super excited, but then if we have no showings I am in tears.....crazy I know but its me. Once I have a plan in my mind I want to get moving on it already. I will be so happy to leave the snow blower behind! So here's to prayers of selling the house and bringing Keith home before school ends...........miracles happen right?

Loss catches you off guard

About 5 years ago I lost my mom to ovarian cancer. She was only 59. Growing up I was her baby, the youngest of 5. I can admit that I was spoiled a bit. I loved being with her when I was little. I had a lot of food allergies so she always kept me close, just in case. She was my biggest cheerleader and somehow when I talked to her she could make me believe that anything was possible. She taught me how to be a mom, she drove me to finish my education, she supported me even when I came home at 19 pregnant. She had the biggest smile at my wedding and was the most amazing grandmother to my kids. Some days, like today, for no apparent reason my mind floods with memories and the tears start falling. I miss her. This feeling I try to remember when my adopted kids have a rough day. When memories flood their minds when the loss is overwhelming....when you miss your mom. When you just want to feel bad for the moments lost, for the times that won't happen, for the memories that start to fade. Its then that we need families that are here to pick us up, to give us a hug, to believe in us, to let us cry. That to me is what adoption is about. As an adult losing a parent was devastating and I was so grateful for my husband, dad, brother and sisters to hold me up. These kids that lose everything need the same thing too. Not to replace something unreplacable but to love them anyway, hold them up and let them cry.