I was watching the chaos in Egypt yesterday and thinking about all the everyday people like me. The moms just trying to raise their kids, the women who had plans this week. Then suddenly their world changes, everything is uncertain. I started to think about how that would feel or what it would look like. It made me think about when the bible says not to worry about tomorrow. I always thought of that verse as speaking of not thinking about the future, dealing with today, as though preparing for the future shows a lack of faith. However yesterday I started looking at it in a new way. I live in an assumption that I will have tomorrow to do the laundry, hug my kids, teach them my values, cherish my husband and all the other things. We all do, just look at our calenders with lists of things we will do next week, next month, next year. Now we probably will get to all those things if God allows, but life is also full of unknowns. I started to think how crazy it is to be bored (which I am guilty of a lot!) God has blessed me with today, today to finish the laundry, to make the family dinner, to make a special cold day snack, to spend time with my kids and husband. I have no guarantees that either I will wake up tomorrow, that the world won't be changed tomorrow or some other event will alter the course of my life. Heck if the world collapses tomorrow I will be pretty relieved to have a clean house to hunker down in, a pantry full of food and clean clothes and blankets. Even as small as an injury, I will be glad when I had the chance I got that cleaning down, groceries bought, goodies baked....whatever it is. The point is we don't know if I will be able to do what I can do today tomorrow, if Randy will have a job indefinitely, if the world economy will stay stable, if we aren't a few years down the road from Egypt like crisis...........I do know that there are some Egyptians who are glad they took care of their homes and families while they could and those who are wishing they didn't spend so much timing doing something else last week, month or year. I have a new perspective. I am going to do as much as God has given me the ability to do today not because I have to worry about tomorrow, but because I can and so I don't have to worry about tomorrow.
I know who God wants me to be. He has been pretty clear throughout my life as to who I am. Yet I get frustrated with circumstances or begin to covet what I see in another person. I am definitely the grass is greener type person. I fall into the trap of thinking, maybe I should or I can or it seems to work for them so maybe I might.... Without remembering that the simple fact that we live in a fallen world is going to bring frustration, disappointment and brokenness. It seems as soon as I am where I feel God has called me in life, I feel restless and start to chase what I know I shouldn't. I know God has called me to be a wife and mother and to care for my home. He will bring blessings to others through that if I am obedient to Him. My mind starts to wander on ways to "help" God along....maybe I should send the kids to school so I can work......maybe I need to update the wardrobe and look more fashionable when I am out and about......maybe we need to stop growing our family so that we can have more time to ourselves...... Then I start to justify my thoughts, look at so and so it all seems good there, I went to public school and I am OK....... This weekend we started cleaning out our garage and getting rid of all sorts of stuff we haven't needed since the move. As I was going through papers from my childhood I was wondering why I saved half of it. Its not like I ever look at it except when we clean stuff out. This morning I am realizing that this is a picture of what I do...I take my past and carry it on my back silently...the closer I follow God the more I am at peace, but every once in awhile I "clean out" my pack and only saving the good memories I start to question where I am and what I am doing and then I find myself stuck spiritually and I find myself becoming a grumbler and a complainer. Thankfully God is gracious enough to wake me, do one of those snap out of it slaps! No my life may not look like the average American woman's life, I won't fit the mold, nor will my ideas of what a woman should be fit the mold......but God tells us that we shouldn't conform to the world. So I am today going to refocus on my family and my home. This time though hopefully I can recognize this pattern take off the backpack and toss it away! Stop romanticizing those things that God abhors and walk forward free to be the woman Christ has called me to be.