While I hoped this post would talk about our newest little girl settling into our home, it is not to be. I really don't know much details other then the person whom was to place her with us somehow lost or changed custody of her and decided to just leave us with the information, she is no longer available for adoption and her lawyer isn't talking either. I almost expected it as the woman went from calling multiple times a day and hurrying our lawyer to not returning calls or emails for days at a time. Having been through failed adoptions before, you kind of just know. Your heart hangs on, but your head readies itself. Its like when I miscarried our baby and my heart hung on when physically I knew the baby was slipping away. However unlike in the past I let myself feel sad for awhile, but was able to pick myself up. I realized how much a decision to add to our family 5 years ago has turned into our ministry. How I will not put a limit on how many children God will allow into our lives. Its not always easy, it can be frustrating at times. It has required sacrifice, but doesn't anything worth something? I have been blessed to be a missionary in my own home. God has brought the mission field to my dining room table. As I was at church one Sunday, I was praying about how to help the African orphans that tug at my heart. I started thinking what would it feel like to hold one of their little bony hands and let them know they are loved. I was interrupted by a little African boy putting his arms up for me to pick him up. As I picked up Zeke I realized how God worked, here in my arms was that mission field. He isn't the 11 lb bony baby I picked up in the airport, he is a 40 lb wild man, but he knows he is loved! He knows who Jesus is and he knows he has a future. So how can I ever turn away one of His children. What more value is my life then theirs. No they won't always come home, as we have known with numerous kids, but God knows who will walk through my door and we will always keep our door open.
I had a thought today as I was sitting in church. I was listening to the sermon and thinking about the New Testament and thinking, how easy it would be to have faith when Jesus was walking among people and you could see his miracles. I thought how foolish were those who swore they knew him and he couldn't be the Messiah, or how blind to see that this man was not an ordinary man trying to pull off a few tricks. Yet I stopped myself when I thought about it. How much more do we see the Holy Spirit among us today, through transformed lives that not only I have witnessed but have lived! How active the Holy Spirit is daily and yet we too can be foolish to call it coincidence, circumstance or unexplained. How quickly we write off the crazy idea that its all somehow of God. We are no different sometimes then those who would see Jesus restore sight to the blind right in front of them and yet still deny Him. How far we have come as a society in so many ways and yet how primitive are our understands of who He is.