Urgent plea for 13 year old boy

While I was in Bulgaria visiting Rosie, I was told about a boy.  He lives with Rosie and is also 13 years old.  He is a healthy handsome boy.  He was visited previously by a family with the idea of adoption but for reasons unknown to me, when they left they did not finish the adoption.  So here is this sweet boy orphaned and then feeling rejected.  The orphanage cares very much for this boy and asked me to help them find him his permanent home.  He was helpful coming out to sweep up the area before the Christmas show, he is talented as his portion of the Christmas show included break dancing and traditional Bulgarian dancing (he was Rosie's partner for one dance!)  I have pictures and videos I can share with anyone who is interested in adopting him.  I can tell you all about the orphanage he lives in, the process of adopting and connect you to our agency. Please forward this to anyone you think may be interested!! 

While preparing to write this I came across this on another blog,

"I can't stand your religious meetings. I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions. I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals. I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes, your public relations and image making. I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music. When was the last time you sang to me? Do you know what I want? I want justice—oceans of it. I want fairness—rivers of it. That's what I want. That's all I want." Amos 5:21-24

These kids don't have much of a future.  Not many will be the lucky ones to be given the opportunity for adoption and be chosen due to their age. Yet I sat with them and talked with them and it opened my eyes to the fact that regardless of their age, they are kids, kids who need someone to guide them, love them, teach them.  I have come to learn through this adoption that yes Rosie is 13 and in 5 short years she will be an adult, and we have missed much of her childhood.  However when do we stop needing or wanting our parents, who will stand at a wedding, who will cry over their newest grandchild and cheer when they finish college?  Who will they call when life is hard or when they get a bad diagnosis?  Who will they call when their child has their first fever and who's house will they visit on Christmas?  What happens when their is no orphanage to return to when they are too old and yet discriminated against and cannot find a job?  We need parents and family surrounding us for a lot longer then 18 years.

Rosie

What can I say, she is wonderful and beautiful.  I had a great time with her and she really seemed to connect well to me.  Twice in two languages we ordered the same lunch order without knowing what the other was ordering, already in sync!  The orphanage she is in is actually a very nice place, the director was wonderfully good with the children.  The children were ages 7-18 and were such a joyful group of kids.  I had the privilege of watching their Christmas celebration in which they put on a show and Santa came and delivered them gifts of shoe boxes.  It was so moving to see that side of it, I teared up!  I have made those shoebox gifts in the past but to see the joy on these kids faces as they received them was just amazing.  I will forever be filling those now!  Rosie got to be Snow White and help hand out the Christmas presents with Santa.  Being older I let her take the lead when it came to affection.  After the first day she gave me a hug and then the last day when I was leaving she gave me a kiss.  It was hard to leave her behind, but knowing that she is adored at the orphanage really helped me feel better.  We will get to write her letters and maybe even Skype with her while we are waiting for the process to finish.  She is very quiet and shy.  The workers all told me that she is very responsible.  It made me laugh that one of her first questions was, what time do we have to get up in the morning? Teenagers are the same across the world :) 

Help us bring Rosie home!--Link Up

1. Tell us a bit about the child you are adopting - including this treasure's age and name {Please post a picture if allowed.}
We are adopting a 13 year old girl named Rosie.  She is a wonderful girl of Roma heritage.  She is smart, healthy and beautiful.
2. Is the child you are adopting considered "Special Needs"? 
Due to her age she is considered special needs.
3. What country or geographic area are you adopting from?
Bulgaria
4. Have you adopted before?
Yes we have adopted 2 children from the US and 3 children from Liberia
5. How close to travel are you?
We have just made our first visit so we will be able to bring her home within the next few months.
6. Do you attend church regularly? If so, what type of church is it?
We attend church every week.  It is a Christian Evangelical Free church.
7. Do you tithe with each pay {at least the scriptural standard of 10%}?
Yes
8. This week, did you participate in any way with the day of Praise, Prayer by giving praise on the link and then posting your request?
This week I did not as I was in Bulgaria visiting Rosie.
9. Have you read the entire Deadbeat Dad series? {Yes or No} Please read it in full, so you can better understand the heart of God for stewarding the money He has graciously gifted us with.
It is a four part series and can be found here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Yes
10. How did you hear about this Link up we are having?
My 14 year old daughter and I follow your blog and she told me about this link up when I came home from Bulgaria
11. Is there anything, briefly, that you would like to share with our orphan-lovin', God-honorin', Jesus worshippin' bloggy friends reading this?
We have walked into our adoptions without the funds in hand and God has always provided.  We hope that it never stops anyone from adopting one of these treasures.

Finally, understanding that each gift received through this "Response Time" has been entrusted generously for our use from our loving Father, we promise, in the unlikely event that we would be unable to or decide not to adopt the children we are advocating for, we promise to return all of the money gifted to us as a result of this link to International Voice of the Orphan so they can, at their discretion, give to other families currently adopting.

{Please place your initials on the line.}
Yes, I will submit___EW___ No, I am unable to submit to this ________

If you are a "1", then copy, paste the above questions, answer each, link to our Place Called Simplicity and I will have the post up tomorrow for you to link to. 

The Visit

What a week! The first day we walked into the orphanage and their is Rosie walking down the stairs. She was bringing something somewhere, we said a quick hello the I went to the directors office.  She was a wonderful woman, she truly loves each of the kids. We talked and the Rosie came in. She was very shy and unsure about coming to the USA. Who would blame her, she doesn't know us! The staff was very emotional they said they know adoption is best but they all love her. They have been her caretakers for the last 7 years. She showed me her room and we played memory, a good non speaking game! She won each round...memory isn't my strongest area :-). Tuesday we went back and played more memory and drew pictures, she gave me a few hugs and said she was happy. They also had their monthly birthday celebration and since hers was in December I got to share birthday cake and see her get a stuffed animal. Wednesday we were lucky, as it was their Christmas celebration. They performed a show and Santa came and headed out the Christmas shoe boxes, the kids were so excited. I teared up watching them. Today us my last day to visit. I am sure it will be emotional. She is such a sweet girl, and I am totally blessed to get to be her mom.

I made it

Well I made it to Sofia yesterday...or today...the whole time zone thing has me backwards. Its 1am local and I just woke up. I started the trip a bundle of nerves as I had three days notice that I was indeed going to need to come instead of randy and I have never traveled internationally before much less alone. The first flight left at 6:30 am and I sat next to a lady who was traveling with her twenty month old on her lap for the first time. I was able to help her out with him and even held him a bit for her. Then it was 8 hour layover in Newark. Pretty boring I watched looped news over and over. Then my international plane pulled in. I felt like Buddy the elf' I quickly texted randy letting him know it was ginormous!!! I had an awesome seat with no one in front of me...unless you include the line for the bathroom. I watched a bunch of movies and slept for a full 30 minutes. By the time I got to Frankfurt I was so tired  I was shaking. The airport screener double checked and unloaded my backpack because he didn't like my epipen. I explained I needed it for allergies and he let me through. Ohh I forgot my 2 other Buddy moments... First they gave me hot towels I had no idea what to do with it I am not that fancy I guess. I held it and looked around to see what the heck it was for. Then I used the tiny bathroom and managed to knock my head into the wall. Any who I finally arrived after flying over  the Alps, which was pretty cool. Now I am catching up on sleep and getting ready to meet Rosie tomorrow.

I am off to see the Rosie....

Tomorrow morning I leave to head to Bulgaria for our first required trip to meet Rosie.  Let me back up though and give you the story, because everyone who has adopted knows it didn't happen easily :)  Last week we were able through the generous gift of a friend take the whole crew to Disney World.  We had a blast!  The kids all behaved and the drive was fairly smooth, which is saying a lot for an 18 hour drive with 9 people.  Anyway before we left in late November, we were given permission to make travel plans, so the plan was Randy, the experienced traveler was going on this visit and we would both go to pick her up together for my first international travel experience.  We confirmed this with the agency and were given the go ahead, so we booked his ticket and prepared the kids that when we got home on Monday, Dad was leaving on Sat. for Bulgaria.  So we return Monday and Tuesday I emailed the agency to be sure we had all paperwork we needed.  The return email said that the orphanage was now afraid that Rosie would be uncomfortable meeting Randy alone so either I had to come or both of us had to.  So we realized that it would be too hard on the kids for both of us to get up and leave.  Some of our kids have issues with us leaving.  So Wed. we had to cancel Randy's ticket and book me a ticket.  Now I have NEVER been overseas, and I am a general nervous person, so this was scary news!!  I spend Wed. freaking out....Thursday I was more calm, today I have some nerves going on.  Here's the kicker....a few days before we went to Disney I prayed that God would take all my anxieties from me, that he would show me that I can be strong and courageous in all situations because I am leaning on him.  Yeah....starting to think its like praying for patience....all the culmination of my fears is coming together in a week...........  Anyway its so many emotions, fear over the travel, nerves of meeting my new 13 year old daughter for the first time, excitement, sadness leaving my others home........Its like 9 months of pregnancy rolled into 2 weeks :)  I had the sick stomach, nerves, hormones, tears, happy/sad moments.......yep its a girl!! I will post about the trip as I go!

Getting ready to meet our Rosi!

We received our official notification that we are matched with Rosi and now we can travel to visit her next month!  Randy will make this first visit.  We are so excited to get to know more about her and bring her some things.  We will get to send/bring her some early Christmas gifts!  She should be able to come home about 2-4 months from then.  Its crazy to look at her picture and think that beautiful Bulgarian girl will soon be my daughter forever.  I wonder if she will ever comprehend how much she wanted by us.  I suppose when she is a mom she will :)  I had constantly checked my email for weeks for this news with each day passing disappointed, then I decided to go out one night to an adoption meetup group and while there I got a text from Randy sharing the news.  I suppose that's one of the best places to announce it, you can always count on other adoptive moms to cheer :)  So now we get ready for a crazy month of December! 

Ponder Ponder

Pondering....its something I do a lot, most likely too much, in fact now I am pondering why I ponder and frankly when you type pondering or ponder a lot it starts to sound weird...  I am a restless person in my mind just as my husband....kids and anyone who has truly gotten to know me :)  Usually after about 18 months of living in a place, I get that gypsy feeling that I am ready to go explore some new place and not just vacation, I like to live there because a vacation doesn't give you the full appreciation of a place.  Now that I have older children, I have had to reconsider the 18 month thing, as they tend to not enjoy having a gypsy mom :)  Here we are in the middle of an adoption, which by the way we are waiting for our official notice that we can travel to meet Rosie, should have happened last week, but the office was moving and they didn't hold any meetings (of course!!)  anyway...here waiting to news to visit our newest daughter and I spend my time viewing other waiting children, wondering what will happen to them, if we have the room for them...  on and on.  We also have been studying the formation of the 13 original colonies in  "school" and I find myself thinking a lot about where America began and where we are now.  I think about the morals that have been lost over the generations, the family values that have started to disappear.  The kids pointed out how historical books always have children who are portrayed as well behaved, curious and innocent while books that take place today consist of rude kids, disobeying parents and general scary stuff.  Its funny this whole country seems to have lost its innocence, sad really.   Anyway all of this to say my mind is never quiet I am ALWAYS thinking.  A person once asked me what do you do with the Bible verse that says "be still and know that I am God".........I was at a loss, I may sit still but my mind is turning constantly.  Hmm all this pondering in this post and I have lost my original thoughts of why I am writing this........although ask my kids that is very very normal for me.........

Adoption Update!

Well we have FINALLY finished our dossier and it has all been mailed to our agency.  We thought the USCIS fingerprinting would take the longest but that took 2 weeks after we filed to get fingerprinted and got the approved form in 3 days after that!! Record time!! However the letter from our doctors turned out to take a much longer time, but no dwelling on that now, because it is all on its way to the agency, which will forward it to Bulgaria to be translated and processed and then in a few weeks we will get to meet Rositsa!  Now to figure out what to pack in a care package for her. Its a little harder to guess what a 12 year old might like than a 3 year old!    Praying all of this goes quickly so she can join us. I have had a hard time accepting this is really happening.  After not bringing Keith home and then the girl from India fiasco, its hard for my mind to believe this is working :)  However once I sent those last papers, I got misty, started to imagine what it will be like to hug her, hold her hand, love her....and I began to wonder has she ever had a family long for her to be home?  Has she ever known the kind of love she is about to experience?  Perhaps she has, I pray at some point she has experienced family love, but if not 12 years is a LONG time to wait and I hope her wait to be coming to an end as soon as the good Lord allows!

I don't get it!

I am in awe and admiration of those of you who can do. I however cannot, no matter how much sense and time saving it incurs.  I am talking about cell phones and yes I am not that old and this shouldn't be as hard as it seems.  I am a slow texter, although I can text!  My issue comes with calling people in any place but a quiet room....which is a rare thing in a house with 7 homeschooled children.  I watch people make calls while in the car, at the store, in a waiting room, walking, biking, chasing toddlers at the park..... I just don't see how it works.  Once my mind is driving, walking,  chasing or even watching children I totally can't concentrate on what someone is saying on the phone.  In fact I don't even hear it!  Or if I hear it I can't imagine remembering what I need to pick up at the store.  I am TERRIBLE at keeping in touch with people I don't see regularly unless they email or text, that I can do in a loud room :)  When I do talk on the phone I literally have to go in my room and close the door to talk and usually when I do that the children know mom isn't listening and then the house becomes some sort of crazy house.....  So here is to you phone talkers.....You are way more awesomer then me, to those who feel I don't call enough, I am thinking of it and just wait till the kids move out, your phones will be ringing off the hook.  Until then feel free to email and text!!  Last note, I do feel like its weird for people to talk in waiting rooms, I feel like I am eavesdropping but can't help it!

Update on Rositsa's adoption

It has been awhile since I updated where we are in the process of bringing Rosie home.  We received our completed and signed homestudy on July 24th and forwarded it to our agency.  They sent in the paperwork for our i800a and today we found out the check was cashed, so hoping thats good news!  We had been electronically fingerprinted for our dossier and sent it our agency, but turned out it was only run through the state of TX and not through the FBI and Bulgaria is specific in the paperwork they want.  So we had to go to the police station and get fingerprinted again and mail it into the FBI headquarters.  So now that is being processed.  We have stack of papers to be signed and notarized and then we need to get papers signed and notarized by our doctors (although we have already had the appointments, so this should take too long) and while we are waiting on that we will hopefully get our appointment to be fingerprinted again (this is for the USCIS and immigration) and then the clearance.  Once our agency has all this it will be forwarded to Bulgaria and translated and we will invited to come and visit Rosie for the first time.  Then we will return home and they will send all our documents to court to get the official adoption decree then we will travel back to bring her home.  So we are almost halfway there!  I would love to have her home for Christmas, but without a miracle I am thinking she will likely be home earlier in the new year. I am slowly learning a little Bulgarian, to hopefully make the transition a little easier. 

Other then that to keep us busy while we wait, we are getting ready for the new school year.  We are starting Aug. 20th so this week I was organizing the homeschool room, seperating books, filling pencil boxes.  It will be so nice to get back into a school routine!

I am a morning person...

NOT a middle of the night person.  Here is a snippet of my life...
Setting (I am peacefully sleeping and it is before 6am which is the time I can become a morning person)

Daughter opens door and rouses me with shuffling steps..."mom" she says

I try to pretend I cannot hear as I hope to drift back into my dream

"Mom" she says louder

I am pretty sure I said what but might have sounded like a grunt.

"My eyes are puffy and hurt" says daughter who was convinced the previous evening that she might be going blind because I once said perm chemicals can blind someone and we had done a deep conditioner rinse, which I assured her won't blind her and she swore a tiny bit got in her eye.....ahh melodramatics....

Me reply "you will be fine its not from the conditioner" ...note I still have not opened my eyes other then a quick peek to assure me which kid was talking.

"Then what is it from?"  She replies unbelieving...

My reply "Its called morning...you just woke up that's why"

She shuffles back to bed and though I tried hard to go back to sleep in comes my trusty alarm clock 45 minutes later who wakes up at 6 every day for the past 5 years..... :)

The phone stopped

Every year around this week, I have a stressful week, life seems overwhelming, usually find myself lying alone on the bed thinking its hopeless!  I usually think are the kids unusually wild or naughty?  Is the house ALWAYS needing this much done?  Can I never find the right hobby to satisfy me...?  Then it occurs to me every year, this is the week we lost my mom.  Perhaps that even unconsciously speaks to my heart.  Its a weird thing I don't even remember its coming but every year its the worst week and then it hits me what day it is.  We were close my mom was proud of her children and a little over protective, which in my teen years I thought was a lot, but now as a mom can laugh!  Even after I moved out she and I would call each other all throughout the day.  If Alex or AJ did something funny I would call her to let her know, if she saw something funny on TV or wanted to see if we could come to a family gathering she would call me.  Its been 9 years since she has gone.  I realized today my phone went silent after that.  Not for lack of callers, but for me.  I stopped calling to let people know whats going on believing they have their own families or lives, believing no one cared about the details as much as she did.  Not wanting to burden others who were trying to make dinner or get the kids to bed.  Over time I myself filled the house and so long talks on the phone are almost impossible without many interruptions and lots of background noise (although I do love email!) I think on some level its one reason I love facebook.  I can post the cute things or the stuff I want to tell and I can keep connected.  I really am at peace with her passing, knowing where she is now and knowing that there is no more cancer or pain.  My sadness and grumpiness isn't for her missing anything because eternity isn't missing anything, its for me and the calls I miss!  But I learned something the other day, we make the mistake that we are humans living a temporary spiritual experience during our lives, instead we are spiritual beings who are living a temporary human experience....temporary....I can handle that....means we will be reunited someday :)

Adoption Fundraising!

Adoption is expensive, homestudys are over a thousand dollars, we have to budget 2 trips to Bulgaria and then their is fees everywhere agency fees, fees for the immigration paperwork, fees for the Bulgarian government.  When we were having an adoption fundraiser garage sale for our Liberian adoptions, a woman wrote a nasty email to us addressing that if we can't afford to adopt we shouldn't be adopting.....I am here to prove that yes it works.  Had I listened and thought we can't afford it...Hannah JD and Zeke would still be orphaned, Zeke was so sick when he came home I am sure he would be a statistic of kids in Liberia who do not make it until their 5th birthday.  The parasites in JD's stomach would have caused severe malnutrition.  God has provided each penny when needed for our adoptions, many times through angels who have joined us in this journey.  I know these days EVERYONE is fundraising for something and EVERYONE needs a donation, but I have put this in God's hands and Rosie will come home with every penny, this I am sure of :)  I am sure if I could post Rosie's picture you would look into her sweet brown eyes and agree with us no matter the cost she deserves a family to love her!  So if you want to join us through the purchase of a t-shirt or coffee see the links on the right of this page.  Even if you cannot buy anything we would greatly appreciate prayers!!  Lets storm heaven on Rosie's behalf :)

Counting the Cost

What would you do if you knew a young girl was in grave danger of being taken by traffickers and sold into a life of prostitution?  How would you react if you saw a 12 year old girl in your neighborhood being grabbed by a stranger on the street or watch a man slip something into a young girls drink and took her with him?  What if it was a friend's child who was sexually assaulted?  What if you found a homeless child hiding out in your backyard?  What if it was your child?  Who would protect them if you could not?  Where would they go without you?  Most children age out of European orphanages around 16.  They are literally sent out into the world with nothing and no one. Statistics show that 90% of children who age out end up involved in crime, prostitution, addiction or give into suicide.  It breaks my heart to think about it.  I think about my children who just were blessed to be born to parents who wanted them, to parents who were not in poverty, to parents who were not in a country where we were forced to give them up, that their mother was not a drug addict, to a father who did not abuse or exploit them.   Does that make them more worthy for life then anyone else?  Do they deserve love and protection more then the child sitting in an institution waiting for someone, anyone to notice them?  Adoption has been difficult at times adjusting to new normals, dealing with broken hearts and paying every last official who needs to be paid to process the adoption.  But how much more did my Savior pay for my adoption?  How much pain or tears were spent on my behalf as Jesus hung on the cross for me. Redemption on my behalf.....adoption into His family.  Redemption is expensive, it cost Him his life, Redemption is messy, the thorns in His crown, Redemption is painful, every strike on his back.  Redemption is beautiful a new name, Redemption is everlasting eternal home, Redemption is loving and never looking back.  Adoption to me is a small scale example of redemption, but not just for our children, but for me.  It has changed me, shaped me and molded me.  It has stretched me in ways I didn't imagine and it has formed in me a passion.  Today we finished our homestudy visit, one step closer to bringing our Rosie home.  One more step in the messy, expensive, sometimes trying process to bring a little girl into the safety of her daddy's arms, to protect her from traffickers to keep her from poverty and to make sure she knows she is loved and wanted. 

Chasing papers!

I remember my first thoughts of adoption.  You choose a child and that same child a few weeks later was placed in your arms, happily ever after.... HA!  Was I snookered!!  Adoptions take a lot longer then a few weeks, there are homestudies, paperwork, fingerprints, paperwork, fundraising, paperwork.... months of waiting.....get the picture LOTS of paperwork.  Everyone needs a paper or a form!  I applied for a passport today even if I don't end up traveling the dossier requires a copy of it.  I made appointments for physicals for Randy and I both the homestudy provider needs a form from that and the country requires a letter of health.  Then I found all 7 kids need a physical for the homestudy, not a big deal as they get them yearly, however they have to have been seen within the last 2 months....insurance pays for 1 a year....they had them in Oct and Aug so not quite a year but more then 2 months.  So I have to figure that one out.  Wasn't such a big deal when scheduling 2 kids, but scheduling 7 is always interesting!  I am terrible about gathering things, not because I am slow but because it stresses me out knowing Rosie is waiting on me!  I can say oh I need to get to that, but I imagine if it was Alex or Hannah sitting in a far away place without a home today, how hard would I work to bring them safely into our home!  Please pray for all our paperwork to go smoothly and quickly so we can bring Rosie home as soon as possible!

We have a match....and a leak....

Lets start with the good news....we have a match!!  Number 8 is on her way in the form of a 12 year old girl.  She will squeeze in between Alex and AJ's ages.  She is currently in the 6th grade in Bulgaria and living at an orphanage.  She is a beautiful girl and has an adorable laugh in a video we saw.  So we got the good news that we are officially matched, so we have 6 months to gather all the homestudy and dossier and INS stuff (hopefully done WAY before that) and then soon we will be invited to visit her in Bulgaria, after that visit they will proceed with the court to finalize the adoption and then we go again to bring her home.  So exciting!!  Just as we were getting all the paperwork together and remembering what a cumbersome process adoptions are, we saw a mysterious what I though shadow in the living room.  Randy came in the house a few minutes later and I showed him and he headed up to the bathroom above said spot and found its source, underneath a sink into a cabinet....into a bathroom floor, into a hallway, into my bedroom in which we had a sticky door lately and had assumed it was from the humid weather.....down the floorboards into the ceiling and by the time he had water shut off the ceiling started to cave in every so much and the dripping became faster.......  So needless to say by the next day we had people in our house tearing up floors and ceilings, giant dehumidifiers and fans running extremely loudly.  I was sleeping on the couch and Randy in his office on an air mattress and so the chaos continued.  We had them drying out the floors for 3 days continuously....that is until last night while sleeping on the couch in the whirlwind of noise at 3:30 it went silent, which woke me up.  A random power outage, no storm no wind..... Then I started to think about a power surge when it came up with all this equipment in the house and then I started to think about all the what ifs in a fire.  Then the lights came on machines rumbled and all was good except now I was wired and unable to sleep.  Thankfully God is good and the machines left today, so we have a few days of peace until they come to replace floors, ceilings and paint walls....thank you for home insurance!!  So now back to paperwork, passport application, home visits and the one thing I am freaking out about....how to get a notarized doctors letter!!  Everyone says there is always a notary on staff and there never is and then its all awkwardy and what not......  It will be worth it when our newest girl leaves behind a life alone and the dangers that come with a pretty girl aging out without a family and joins a forever family with first Christmas's and birthdays and hugs and graduations!  God is good all the time!

God's in the details

As I type I am sitting here trying to decide if I am cold or hot, having a fever on a school day can make a girl tired! Its days like today I realize how God is in the details and how I am reminded to take everything, every moment to Him alone. For someone like me who likes to just get it all done and be in a regular routine I often forget to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Its spring which means wrapping up the school year, preparing for the next, planning some fun summer things and hopefully making progress in our adoption. In all those areas I always think I have it figured out and then we get another curve ball where I can choose to get flustered and distracted or I can choose to see God once again telling me to trust him. In our house I am constantly telling the kids that I can be trusted with what they need. Some of our children from more chaotic backgrounds tend to have a hard time believing that. To me it seems so easy to accept, everyday its provided therefore they can believe I will provide tomorrow. They usually need to see it or at least get constant reminders that it will still come again. For some they have lived with the reality that those who are expected to provide don't always come through. However from my adult perspective, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am not like those who have let them down and that my promises are trustworthy. Its hard for me though to make them believe me due to their previous experiences. It hit me today that I am no different. In the past I have placed me sense of trust in worldly things that have let me down, that didn't provide for my innermost needs. I wrongly placed me hopes in those things temporary, as my children had in their orphanages and foster homes instead of whats eternal. I find now how that has tainted my own faith. As I look at my children and know they can forever trust my love and provision, my Father in heaven looks at me and says the same. Like my children I wrongly put God in the role of those things that had replaced him in my past and hold back the faith I could put in him because I fear that I may miss something or lose something or hurt. However I am learning that He can be trusted with it all, with all my thoughts, my fears, my anxieties. I can trust that his way may not look like my way but it is He who knows best, His ways are not tainted by the world or by sin like mine. His ways are perfect and I can rest in that as I pray my children can rest in knowing they can be children and rest in me to provide their needs. When they rest in that they will realize the blessings that come from simply being loved....and so can I.

Waiting

I have sometimes heard people say and have even had the thought myself, when I meet God someday I have some questions or I am going to find out the whys.... Randomly I was thinking about this the other day in a quiet moment in the car after dropping my daughter off at her music lesson. I began to think about that and thought ....really... we will enter heaven and we will be coherent and unaweinspired (not sure if I just made up that word..) to ask God a whats up with that question? I thought about my mom that I lost a few years back and thought if I knew I could spend time with her today even if I knew I could spend many times with her, being apart from her from so long I would not begin with ...so mom what was up with that time you didn't let me.... or what were you thinking when you let me wear... I would embrace her, I would probably collapse into her as I did as a child. I would take it all in, I would tell her about my children, the grandchildren she didn't get the privlidge to meet on this side. I would tell her about my accomplishes in life. Not list off the things I didn't get, didn't have or didn't think was fair. I would value each precious minute we had. I would want to hear her laughter and see her eyes crinkle up when she smiled. Remember I only spent 25 years with her and I have only been apart from her for some years. Then I turned my thought to my Jesus, He who has known me since he formed me in his mind. He who has walked by my side for my last 33 years. He who has saved my body and my soul. He whom I haven't had to privledge to sit with in heaven. How much more will I be ready to fall at his feet to collapse into Him as His child. To breathe in the scent of God and revele in his beautiful light. How I will want to tell him how I spent my days and see him beam when we speak of His children whom he gave me to love. Let this be what spurs my days on, doing the right thing, leaving what I sometimes want for me for what will make Him smile. Thankful for the waiting arms.

The internet....

Oh internet time, why are you so addictive! I have a problem its called I check my email and check this or that and then next thing I know too much time has passed. In fact I am guilty of it now as I write this post! I meant to do more spring cleaning but I checked something then something else and now here I am. I did have this random thought though, the problem with the internet. Before we had magazines to waste time reading but they had an end and then you had to wait for a new issue which took a few weeks. The internet is a never ending constantly updating magazine there is no last sentence close it up and wait another month. Its a total time sucker!! There is some great things about the internet, lately I have been checking out pintrest and my family has had lots of new and delicious foods to eat thanks to the new recipe source! Ahhh not sure where this post is going.... The End.

More random thoughts...

First I find it ironic that we the White House making a get healthy and moving initiative while I find my children can no go anywhere without being served a snack, usually an unhealthy one. I hate to have to start this way at only 33 but.....back in my day.... we didn't have a snack at church or ccd, we didn't have a snack at school, just lunch time, we did get a snack after playing a basketball game or a snack during a football game. Are our children REALLY this hungry? Do they need a bag of chips and juice box after playing an hour of basketball and are probably going to return home after where they will have food? It seems any kids activity that lasts more then 20 minutes the kids get a snack, its crazy to me! Imagine at home if we gave our kids snacks every 20-30 minutes...yeesh! Also crazy to me is the world telling kids to get up and move while more and more schools are medicating kids who can't sit still.......I will just leave that one as is.....

Running update....ok not great, I did it for a week, then last week I kept forgetting, but I am not quitting! I just need to find a regular time to get on the treadmill!

Lastly we are growing again, looking like number 8 is coming from Bulgaria!! WOohoo...more details to hopefully come next week!

Go mom go....see mom run...

For a very long time I have envied people who just like going for a run. I so wanted to be runner. Even joined track in high school and joined the group of kids who hid behind the shed next to the track during lap time and eventually tried things like shot put that did no involve any running. You see I want to be a runner, but I haven't ever been able to stick with it. Anyway the older I got the more I thought now I can't, I am so out of shape, I get winded walking around the zoo! I don't have time, I am raising 7 kids here and homeschooling! Until I fell apon a blog of another woman, who is a runner. She started 2 or so years ago and now runs marathons, she is only a year older then me and here is the kicker....she has 12 kids!! I was inspired! However for me inspired usually means a 1 to 2 week commitment before something else catches my eye or time and I am off on another rabbit trail. But not this time!! NOPE I am doing this and I am publicly putting it out there so that I have the fears of public humiliation to face so I won't give up! Also I hope I can get other moms who "can't" up and going. I started tonight and am being realistic, people understand that I am SOOOO out of shape. I made it 30minutes on 2.5-3 speed on the treadmill without any cramps or pain :) See I am really starting at 0... I have a little running plan to follow and I will update as I go. I don't know what I want to run, I know I want to be healthy and strong for my kids. But I also want to prove to myself that I am capable of doing hard things :) Sooo stay tuned and feel free to de lurk and post some advice for a newbie.

When did we stop??

I learn a lot from watching my kids. Now that they are getting a little older its fun to watch the excitement contained in all of them about the future. I love that most any teen you meet has this energy that allows them to pursue anything that piques their interest. They like music, they play an instrument or sing their hearts out. They like sports they go out and play and run as if they were in an Olympic event. Take a minute to watch a bunch of 10-13 year old boys run no matter if they are big or small, fast or slow the determination on their faces and the quick pumping of their arms, you would think they are in serious training! The excitement that comes with getting old enough for a "real job" or getting that first drivers license permit. I think we all remember the excitement when you first have your license and someone asks you to run to the store...alone!! Ohh the freedom we felt, the radio on the station of our choice, the newly printed license sitting in the new wallet you now have to carry.... So then what happens, when do we stop believing in making our lives our own. When were we told we can't, we won't or we aren't and when did we start believing it. When did the security of the mundane take over the excitement of the unknown? Its our one life. In the end it will matter who we have touched, and who is by our bedside. Famous or not, rich or poor, we all end up exactly the same, we enter the world with nothing and we leave the world with nothing. It all amounts to how much we lived while we were alive. I say all this as the most security routine person alive! There is some value to knowing how to stay orderly and disciplined and a place for it. However I somehow believed the lie along the way that said, you are getting older, you cannot do this or that, your time for this or that has passed. I don't run through life because somewhere along the line I sat down. I believed the lie that it matters to conform. No one wants to be the awkward lady, but us quiet ladies secretly envy the ones who aren't afraid to stand out be bold and laugh! I read about ladies who live life with gusto and think back to when I believed I could be or do whatever I worked hard enough for. Its time to get up and run, let the kids energy be contagious! Its my one life, I don't get a do over!! So run people!!! Dance, laugh, enjoy :)

I am very good at...

While spending a little quiet time with a cup of tea this afternoon and checking in on all of my favorite blogs, it occurred to me. I am very very good at reading about how very very good many of you are at wonderful things! I read about amazing crafts people make and then about amazing homeschooling ideas and then I read about amazing dinners people are making....Yep that's the extent I read it :) I think ohhh that is snazzy or that is a great idea! Then I close up my computer and I go back to doing what ever I was doing. So I salute all you crafty, baking, curriculum making, spotless home ladies of the blog world. You are my inspiration and maybe after I get the dog off my feet and my hiney off the couch I may just may try one of those delightful ideas :)

Hey, when did I forget I liked that....

The other day I was taking our little puppy out at night and while waiting for her to....well do what puppies do....I looked up at the stars. It was a cool night but not cold and I suddenly remembered, I love looking at stars, its so relaxing. I thought about how many times I would sit outside or as a kid bring out some binoculars with my sister and check out the stars. Later we were talking about Florida and I was telling the kids how much I love the beach. A REAL beach, with warm sand, the sounds of seagulls and lapping waves. Then again I was thinking back to so many afternoons when I would go outside and watch the clouds form and drift, especially when storms were rolling in. Then at some point life became very busy....maybe it was the whole going from 2 to 7 kids in a couple years or something, but I stopped doing those things. I stopped doing them for so long I actually forgot I enjoy them! I also enjoy reading and taking baths, but again those have gotten lost in the busy! So I am making a point this year to get back to them. To take time to relax and look at the stars, read a book, watch the clouds. Life has got to be intentional or else it gets lost!!