Monday, March 31, 2014

God The Father

I got thinking about this after my awesome husband shared his wisdom with me.  Its interesting how God choose to use the parent child relationship.  One thing I am learning is that the parent and the child see this relationship really differently.  To a younger child or adolescent the parent is something that you love deeply but often times try to run from, ignore, roll your eyes at or test.  You do this simply because you take for granted that you are loved and believe you will be forgiven.  The most important thing a child needs is to feel loved.  From the unique perspective of being a parent to birth and adopted children from various backgrounds, one thing doesn't change.  Every child needs to feel loved and secure in that love. As a parent you innately provide that love.  Its a love that you can not imagine as a child.  That love the child takes for granted is the very heart of the one giving it.  That child has no idea that reason the parent gets so excited, remorseful, nervous, tearful is because this kind of love is radical kind of love that scares the bejeebuz out of us. The funny paradox is this, the child can never quite figure out what the parent is looking for.  They think, they want us to do well, but then sob as we graduate and move out.  They talk about how they were so excited to find out we were joining the family and then we hear them say how many times do I have to tell you........To a child its mind boggling how you can possibly ground or be angry with someone you always couldn't wait to have.  Isn't that how we view God the Father, if he loves and created us, how can he have righteous anger?  How can he disapprove of what we do?  We are so comfortable that deep down he loves us anyway, we don't have deep conviction on our sins because its not "that" big a sin.  Then suddenly the child becomes the parent...and then we see....then it finally makes sense...  It is something that reaches the deepest part of our heart.  Something we have never experienced before, its a powerful feeling of sudden devotion, protection, heart melting love.  You cannot forget it, leave it, ignore it, its constantly in your mind. Suddenly everything you think, do  and perceive relates to this little person.  Your whole world is locked up in them.  They cannot be replaced.  So is the heart of our Father in Heaven.  Here is the difficult part.  The heights of all emotion good and bad are completely out of control within the parent.  You can be more proud than you have ever experienced and that person can bring you great disappointment. You want nothing but the very best for this child, but at the same time you want them to create their own path.  Your instinct is to step in and save them and tell them what you want them to do, but you also live to see them come to these conclusions on their own.  The reality is often confusion for child and parent.......

The child feels like the parent wants the child to be the smartest, kindest, most athletic, richest, most successful.......  Yet they do not realize the parent's do not seek these from the child.  Those are just results of choices the child makes in life or luck.  The parent's desire is to see the child return that genuine love that pours from the parents heart.  To make choices in life based off love, to know security and peace because they know they are loved.  To love others because they know true love.  And so it is with God.....he does not need us to the best prayer, most generous giver, strongest in faith....he wants us to return the love he gives us back to him.  To do the right thing because we are secure in his love.  To let our love for the one who loves us deepest direct every step in our lives and when we are weakest, to feel so loved we can collapse in his lap and get a hug.  Its so simple, return the love to the one who is love.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Maybe its time we learn from the kids....

We adults tend to believe we know better as we are more educated and have "lived" more and most of the time we do.  To my children who read my blog.....I DO KNOW WHATS BEST ;)  OK had to get that out of the way.  HOWEVER, here are some things I have observed that perhaps we adults could glean from....or at least attempt to try to remember how we did it.

1. Kids can argue one minute and the next be sitting together playing as best friends.  No keeping count of the transgressions.

2.  They can find fun in anything, outside they can turn a backyard into a campsite, inside their rooms become elaborate forts which they are content to sit in most of the day.

3.  Stop everything when something awesome happens, like a helicopter flew over or a new type of bird is in the yard and quickly run and tell anyone who will listen about what you love.

4.  Fancier is about the attitude not how it compares.  Going to get ice cream with a fabulous purse is just as exciting as attending the Oscars.  Also their is no need for the awesome accessory to match anything else.

5.  Comfort over fashion, do not wear what is itchy, scratchy, slows you down because its too big or is too tight you have an eternal wedgie

6.  Believing a new pair of sneakers can and will make you jump higher and run faster and so you do this sporadically throughout the day (who needs a gym!)

7.  As long as they want to play they are your friend and if you play it the next time you see each other you are best friends.  Character involves if your nice and treat me nice and in return I will be nice.

8.  Love deeply, even if its your blanket you can not live without.

9  Love what reminds you of who you love.  My son told me he loves sleeping in our bed because it smells like mom and dad and he feels safe.

10.  Tell someone your fears and let them hug you.

11. Believe you have enough and every time God sends another blessing act like you won the lottery.  As my children do when they find a penny on the sidewalk!

12.  Don't compare experiences, every time you celebrate, eat something or play a new game admit its the best day EVER!

13.  Don't miss life, stop and walk slowly and look out the window, look for buds in the spring and look for the first snowflakes in the winter.

14.  Don't get bog down by what could be unless its daydreaming how awesome its going to be.

15.  Act shocked when you hear about injustice in the world, because even though we know it happens....we should be shocked.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hellos and goodbyes

Saying hello almost always means saying goodbye.  In life things change and the older I get the more it seems to happen in hyper speed.  Its a concept we grow accustomed to but never used to.  It starts early to say hello to school means learning to say goodbye to mom, saying hello to each new grade means saying goodbye to the your current teacher.  Saying hello to a new city means saying goodbye to the old and so we are stretched in our growth as every hello seems to be ever shadowed by a goodbye.  So it is in our adoption experiences.  We often focus on the side of adoption that says this child gets their forever family and this family gets their forever child.  This should be the focus as this is the beautiful part.  However we cannot ignore the shadow and pain that follows this of the goodbye.  For some it is the goodbye to a birth parent who for whatever reason has made this choice.  To a child the reason does not matter, it is still a goodbye.  For some it is the orphanage worker or friends that they say goodbye too.  Again the reason is good, they have a family, but the memories, traditions and routines are hard to forget. In all hello and goodbyes, time is a double edged sword. On one side you see a new routine and new tradition form and the hello becomes more comfortable and normal and settling, but at the same time the goodbye becomes like photographs.  You know the ones you pull out and say ohhh those were the good old days because you remember the good times and forget the sleepless nights. You remember the sweet moments and forget the hassles,  everyone seems kinder, gentler or more fun then reality actually supports.  Anytime a struggle comes up in the hello, you are drawn to over paint the past as some sort of strange perfection you gave up.  Its a temptation too great becuase the fear is the hello will not compare to the goodbye.  Yet somehow when a new hello comes along we see the current as our greatest days.  And so it goes and will continue to go, we will welcome the hellos, say the goodbyes and press on.