Wednesday, May 21, 2014
The past few weeks I have had a lot of changes around here! Mostly with myself this time. About a month ago I was doing some math work with my daughter when suddenly my pinky finger felt like I had jammed it. I had not remembered hitting it on anything, but I tend to do that and forget. So I just tried to forget about it, but within a day that whole hand swelled up, then my other hand swelled up. At first I though I was going a big crazy. To preface a few weeks before this I had a pain in my foot which had me limping for about 2 weeks which the doctor had said was probably tendinitis. So back to the doctor I went and this time she looked at my hands and said OK, something is not right, I think we might be looking at a type of arthritis. She referred me to a rheumatologist. I came home and will admit cried to my husband as I was totally taken off guard and scared of what this means for the future. I got on the internet and researched, meanwhile my hands were so weak I had trouble opening jars or doing simple things. I even kept dropping food as I would try to eat, although I suppose its a good weight loss plan as you watch your delicious muffin slide to the floor your dog is currently licking..... Anyway fast forward a few weeks to today and I have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and sjogrens syndrome. Woohoo... As the doctor told me today I currently have swollen toes, fingers, ankles, knees, hips, shoulders and wrists. Oh and the kicker you get so easily tired....like homeschooling 8 kids doesn't already do that AND they say avoid stress.....this as I come home and an unnamed child is stuck in a coat hanger....yes you read that right....a coat hanger.... So at first I did a lot of crying, scared of being a twisted lady in a wheelchair, but one morning at church I was singing and praising God and I lifted my hand only to realize my shoulder wasn't having that, and I thought if this is what God has called for my life then who am I to complain. (disclaimer, I will complain to those I love a lot in a daily way, I mean I could drop a cookie or heaven forbid my coffee....) but in the scheme of life its just the hand I was dealt. So if you see me limping, its not the latest dance moves or if I don't shake your hand don't take it personal as it feels like some sort of death grip when you hold it. I am curious to see what God is doing in this part of my life. I thought my life was over when I was 21 and they told me I couldn't have children anymore. I cried, pity partied, pleaded with God, tried to bargain with God and reality was, my lot in life ended up being greater then I could imagine, that notification that pregnancy would probably killed me drove me to traveling around the world and having the most unique crazy family that I wouldn't trade for anything. So while I wouldn't wish for this disease, I am curious where it will lead and why. Either way it has given me new perspective when I sing songs like I will follow you Lord, Lead my life......because you better be ready for God to take you up on that!