A cracked vessel

I have struggled with anxiety for many years.  It is one of those things I have prayed for God to take away but it is always there.  My usual worries revolve around letting others down, whether it is controllable or uncontrollable circumstances.  I worry about something happening to me or my children. I worry I said the wrong thing, didn't say the right thing, made a fool of myself or acted too proud.  I worry that I have said things I cannot fix or didn't say what should have been said.  I worry that I am doing too much or not enough.  Its as Paul described a thorn in my side.  Today however I had a revelation of sorts.  I thought....what if its exactly who God made me to be......what if this is me.  Yes it would be nice to say I will jump in the car and be a "free" spirit, but then what would drive me to my knees?  While speaking with some wonderful ladies today I came to realize how many times God has shown up and proven to me that he has it under control, that He is my protector, provider and that I can rest in him.  It was my anxiety that showed me that.  He has slowly (i supposed I am a slow learner!) over the years pulled down so many fears and what I have found behind it was Jesus, holding me up every time.  I am an Israelite, I have seen my own miraculous healing, I have seen people show up just in time, I have had God show me things that can have no other explanation and then I walk on and forget.  Like the Israelites forgetting the manna, the parting of the red sea and the cloud they followed.  I look around and see the waves and start to go under while all the while Jesus has his hand ready to pull me up over and over.  A lot of times people ask me how I do it with 7 kids and another on the way....want the honest truth...it may not be as awesome as you may think........I shake and quake about traveling and driving far for that matter, I cry when I can't see how its going to work, I stomp around sometimes when my ways not working, I change my mind a million times about whats best for our lives, I question EVERY decision a million times and then doubt what I swore I knew was right (seriously ask my family).   I am a cracked vessel but the amazing thing God keeps showing me is people don't see my broken pieces because Jesus is holding it all together and even when I am worrying He is there.  When I am worried people will see my faults or failures they are seeing Him move.  When I worry I run to Him and He provides, even when I forget He never does.