In 50 years..........

It won't matter that I got more sleep, my house was well decorated, I figured out how to use make up or that my house was never picture perfect. It won't matter that I am not 100% confident in how to do it all right or that I had enough "me" time..........

It WILL matter who is gathered around me and how many people I touched.

New Life

Today I got the opportunity to attend my sisters ultrasound. She is due in early November/late October. It was amazing to see the little guy moving all around. Watching how perfect each little part of him was formed. Only a God can do such magical work. I can't wait to meet my new nephew and hold him! I am one blessed aunt!

Tonight we are taking the kids to the kickoff party for the homeschool group we joined. Its a pool party and the kids are super excited. I was happy to see we weren't the only rsvp with 9 people attending! Monday is our first official day of homeschooling..........ready or not here we go!

Do you ever find yourself asking the same question a thousand ways?

I have prayed and search many times how should I be serving God? I go through waves of feeling as though I am closer to God and times when I feel far away. I have times where I trust and times when I doubt. Yet no matter how many studies I do, sermons I listen to, prayers I pray I get back to the fundamental thought of .........how am I to serve you Lord? Whats funny is this week I have been again finding myself praying this prayer. For the first time the Lord has opened my eyes to the answer over and over and over (yes I am a slow learner) he has given me. He opened my eyes to the times in my life I have felt under the cover of the Lord, the times when I haven't wondered daily is this it, should I be doing more, which direction shall I go? He brought me to the times in life, life makes sense. It brings me to the moments when I have fully and totally given myself to being a wife and mother. When I have looked to Randy to lead us as a family. Not where can I serve and where can he serve, but where are we going together. Caring more about loving my husband and kids day in an day out instead of looking at how I can go out on my own and do "stuff". Now mind you "stuff" can be good, it can be serving others or working or visiting or generally doing, but that is not the times I am in the presence of the Lord. Sure I might do it in His name, but really I am neglecting what He has clearly given me. I think my issues come down to, really can homemade dinners, clean houses and families budgets really save souls. Is that living radically for Jesus? I don't know the answer, but what I do know is God has shown me that for His purpose, I feel the closest to His presence when that is my focus and stress and anxiety comes when I try to figure out what I can do for God. Truth is, He has it under control, he doesn't "need" me to do anything. I can offer Him nothing more then He has! I do know that I am called to be submissive to my husband and that I am to raise up my children in the Lord, I know I am to be my husbands helpmeet. Thank you Jesus for showing my what I thought was "that's it?" has been IT all along.

Getting older and all is well..........

We had a great weekend. Some friends came out to visit and it was so much fun to see them. Then I had coffee with a new friend out here and we talked and laughed. Today is my birthday, yesterday the kids woke me up yelling HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I was mid dream and it scared me half to death! They (plus Randy) had made me a huge breakfast. Today they will make tacos and a birthday cake. I am blessed to have such great kids and a husband that remind me that I am loved! I also appreciate them making sure my heart is still working at 32 by the Happy Birthday shouts from 7 from a sound sleep.

Sometimes its funny how blogs or stories can make it sound like people have these perfect lives..........Truth is no one's life is perfect, we all have moments when we wonder, what are we doing, why are doing, how are we doing........... Take for example yesterday, I have an unnamed son who announced to me (when asked why he was not being a good listener) that he doesn't really want to be helpful and he thinks that mom should do all the cleaning........ Yet this morning he thought all is fair when its time for birthday donuts, he was sure that he should get one because, he likes birthdays....of course! We have had our share of temper tantrums, broken items from "nobody" and enough attitude to last a lifetime. Many nights the thoughts of making dinner make me want to lock myself in my room.......not because I don't like cooking (well raw meat freaks me out), but because I know I waited to long to make anything delicious, I have tired hungry kids following me, I am missing 1 ingredient from every recipe I look at and I remember I forgot the laundry sitting in the washer all day! I have one day where an unnamed child ran to the neighbors house to ask to live with them because they didn't like the consequence of going to bed early. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but I definitely am no expert in how to do it perfectly. I like to share this blog to hopefully show people how our life works, but I hope I never put out there anything that's not real.