Adoption and Redemption

We have been home a week and a half and so far things are going well.  I will not get into the details of Rosie's past because that is her testimony to tell.  I will tell you how adopting a teen is different.  First of all she is very independent and capable which makes it a bit easier to help her adapt.  She really is a remarkable kid.  She has been through so much in her 13 years but she is still so full of hope and thankfulness.  She has a tender heart towards children and really seems to have connect with Zeke.  She seems to enjoy having older children in the house to play with.  I can't imagine how overwhelming this must be, new language, new friends, new family, new foods, new culture.  She is able to keep in contact with friends in Bulgaria through facebook.  This is good for her because with so much change she still has a lot of the familiar.  I have told her a lot that time will make things easier.  She has her sad moments and even some angry moments, but most of the time she is good natured and smiley.  She loves to give me giant hugs.  Last night she looked for Dad to give a hug good night.  We are currently working on learning some English.  This will be a slower process than I had anticipated.  We are doing lots of gesturing and google translate has been a lifesaver!  I think the hardest part is conveying how we do things normally and what our morals are.  When it comes to clothes, music, videos she is used to things we do not allow.  A friend said it perfectly when she said you spend years protecting your kids from the world, then you invite the world into your home.  She is very understanding and listens and we are lenient for now on what she is doing.  It is much more of a give and take process with a teen than it is with a much younger child.

 What God has taught me through all of these adoptions is redemption is always uncomfortable.  For the child getting used to being accepted into a whole new way of life.  Its very uncomfortable at first.  They don't want to offend, but as a child they do not always know how to act, think and feel.  They can not shut off their past when they walk through the door.  Their is a way they have done everything, a world they have experienced, sin that has hurt or entangled them.  You see the desire as they adjust to do things well.  You see them watch those who have been here longer and with a jealous desire sometimes they wish to be that far.  You see those who have been here longer see how far they have come as a new child enters our home.  It gives them a tremendous sense of belonging to see that over time they have morphed into a true part of the family.  That all those moments they had felt like they had messed up, done it wrong, upset a parent or sibling, felt unlovable nothing had changed and through that they became a solid member of our family. It wasn't easy, nothing is especially when we talk about a situation that starts off with a child being given up for adoption.

 It is like that with salvation.  I first watch Christians as they went into God's house.  I had this jealous desire to be part of it, though at the time I did not fully understand.  After I first became a Christian I wanted to do so well and please God, I wanted to do it perfectly.  But like our children, I couldn't just leave my personality, sin, past, habits at the door.  I messed up over and over.  Many times I wondered if God would give up on me, if the church would roll their eyes at me.  Yet just as I promised my children time has a funny way of changing perspective.  I started realizing I knew more than I though, I started seeing God redeem me despite my mistakes and failures.  I watched God take me from a spiritual orphan to a child of His own.  Every year that passes I have more and more to look back on and see how God has changed me over and over despite my best efforts to thwart it!  It is always uncomfortable to change, but in the end I am closer to being who God made me to be.  So if you are in an uncomfortable spot, don't fret, God will work despite us!  We are adopted and redeemed.

She is home!

Sunday afternoon Rosie came home forever.  Randy and Alex made the trip to bring her home.  They had a good trip.  No bags got lost, no one was ill, God was all over it.  Rosie was waiting excitedly at the orphanage.  I waited with anticipation as we decided that since she was shy and easily overwhelmed to meet them at home with the kids instead of an airport party.  I first went out and she gave a me a big hug and a kiss.  She then came in and met all the kids and everyone was so nervous and excited.  She has got along with all of the children so far.  She seems much more comfortable when they are around.  She likes to play UNO with them and even teaches the younger kids how to play.  So far it has been very smooth.  She really is a good kids.  Perhaps this is the honeymoon period for the moment, but she has been in our care for 8 days and so far she is happy.  Last night she even put herself to bed early!  I think that jet lag has hit!  Its a new adventure with a teenager, learning how to teach her how our house runs while also giving her the freedom a teenager needs.  Thank you to everyone who has prayed for her and for us.  Please don't stop :)

Open the tent

Many years ago when I first thought of becoming a mother I had a dream to have a large family.  When my oldest was born, I was in bliss, it was everything my heart hoped for.  Then in December of 1999 I had a miscarriage and was devastated.  I prayed for God to let that child stay.  Then I was blessed the following year with our second child.  Then the doctor told me that I should not have any more children.  My dreams seemed like they would never be fulfilled as I had thought.  Five years passed where I tried so hard to give up the dream, I begged God to take the desire for more children from my heart.  I wanted a new dream, something I saw as attainable.  Then we set out to adopt our first time and time after time we were passed over by birthmothers.  I started to think I was cursed that maybe I wasn't a great mother and that God was punishing me by leaving that desire in my heart and yet making it impossible to fulfill.  One day in my quiet time the Lord led me to this passage in Isaiah 54:

1 "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD. 2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. 3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. 4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. 5 For your Maker is your husband-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. 6 The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-- a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. 7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. 8 In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the LORD your Redeemer

After I read this I felt like the Lord was spurring me to wait on his timing and that my time of waiting was going to come to an end.   I cried as I read it and told the Lord if you will fill my tent I will open it wide.  Shortly after that we adopted 2 of our girls, the following year we had 3 more come home. Now again we are making room for our 8th child.  Tomorrow she walks out of the orphanage forever into her family.  We walk from a family of 9 to a family of 10.  So anyone who can't quell that unattainable thought in their mind, hold fast.  God does not disappoint!

Final countdown to coming home!

In 3 short days we will begin the journey to bring Rosie home forever.  I have had the awesome pleasure to talk to her over facebook the past few days and I realized just how much she is my girl already in my heart.  With the time difference I know that she is on in the morning, so I race downstairs to see if she is on.  Whenever Randy travels I always leave all communication lines open and waiting and I wait by them in case he needs me.  I have left facebook open all these days all days, just in case she needs me.  I was able to facebook chat with her (google translating every message), make pancakes from scratch and start laundry all before 8.......I felt like Supermom this morning ;)!  No matter what I am doing if I hear her message me I drop it and run and hang on her every word until I see 4ao, which I have learned means "chow" in which I resume my previous activities.  Each of my children have a special song that struck me as just for them, and this song from Christy Nockels is Rosie's song.  I think after 13 years of waiting on a momma, its time :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvfOGOlQCOo

My mom and my thoughts of heaven

Ten years ago today my mother gave up her earthly battle with cancer to join heaven.  I have had many years now to process her loss.  She was a great mom, who showed me how to care and how to love.  She loved her family with a complete devotion.  We were not just her children but a link to herself.  For that I was blessed.  Now as I contemplate where she has gone, I have grown in my faith and I have observed many a book or article about loss.  I am going to step out here and admit something I have to come to find comfort in that many may not understand, but some may.  I don't believe she is watching over me and before you judge that statement read thought this as why.  I believe she is part of the kingdom of God where she is not sad or in pain.  Anyone who knew my mom would know watching us live out our lives and not be able to join in or help or dry our tears would tear her tender heart out.  I am here to live out a purpose for God, my life has meaning deeper than anything I can understand.  I will someday join my mother as like with pain, time has no meaning in heaven, we will not speak of the years separated, as no time exists. As hard as the concept is to wrap my mind around, she will exist with God and when I join her it will be for her as if no time has passed.  I don't know how I could move on to fulfill God's call in my life if I thought every time I cry for her she cannot literally be here and make it better.  In fact its painful for me personally to think of her watching me 10 years later moving on with life without her.  I don't want to think of her watching me buy a mothers day card for someone else, or seeking answers to things as I grow from other women.  Things she herself would have loved to teach me.  I think its God alone who sends the purple flowers my mom said she would send to remind us of her (and I have found purple violets at every house we have purchased!)  God understands my need to keep that connection to my mother because I do live in a time and I feel every day, week and year.  When my children say good bye to me someday I want them to walk forward in whatever life God has for them with the full assurance I am in glory and happiness and freedom and they can join me, but for now its OK for people to move on and our loved ones are in happiness and freedom and God has us in his hand.  Please don't flame for this point of view, I do not believe that thinking our loved ones are watching us is wrong.  We cannot now that which is to come, its just my personal view.  For today I will imagine my mom in heaven talking up a storm about her children and grandchildren with the wide smile she had.  I will let my Savior comfort me. 

Easiest labor, longest pregnancy!

Tonight as I sleep half way across the world a courageous 13 year old young lady will tell a court she would like to be adopted.  Then all of the culmination of paperwork and visits and many, many fingerprint and doctor appointments collected over the past 15 months will be given to the court and in those few moments a family will be created.  A girl who has not had the love of family will be forever joined after many years of waiting.  A family with an empty bed will fill it with a child they will love always and forever.  I remember 15 years ago becoming a mother and seeing my oldest daughter come into the world and all the anticipation and nerves bundled and my heart swelled.  Now it swells again as my 8th child, Rosie joins our world in paper.  If you haven't yet guessed, our court date is tomorrow!!! In a few weeks we will be united!!!!!!!!!  Please pray everything goes smoothly!

Find the beauty

One thing I have learned as I get older is it can get ugly.  People are always polarized over topics, politics, religion, social issues, school choices.....and it goes on and on.  I have seen it in all areas from the playground to the pulpit and to be honest many times it seems easiest to react in anger, hurt or frustration.  In fact I am guilty just today of reacting with anger over an article about adoptions from Liberia filled with lies that use the sources created by other lies.  Then I thought about it and realized that Jesus knew this, he sat among those that polarized others, especially the religious community.  The dirty, the poor, the illegitimate, the prostitutes and yet he loved them, ate with them, didn't look down on them or turn up his nose.  He did this not because he was sticking it to the Pharisees, but simply because he saw ALL our sin.  He didn't rank one type of sin worse then the other, yes some were sexually or ceremonially unclean, but others were full of pride.  None were found worthy, hence the need for a Saviour.  He was able to find a way to find beauty though despite the sin, found the devotion of Mary Magdalene, the honest seeking of Nicodemus, the loyal follower in Peter and the evangelist in Paul.  Who am I to or in that case who is anyone to condemn another based on my perceived sin in their life.  My job is not to seek out their imperfections and point out my pride, but to seek out their beauty and the redemption my Savior found worthy of dying for.  My job is not to say or write a scathing thing or walk around picketing the sin I find more abhorrent than my own, it is to live in the power of the God I claim to believe.  It should be through living in this power that people are drawn to the God that I love, to the life only He can provide.  In reality it makes life more enjoyable.  Once we realize its not a contest, its nothing we can claim winning in nor should we get joy when we can one up one we deem a sinner, its living in the grace we were allowed and trusting in the future that God already has in His hands.