Many years ago when I first thought of becoming a mother I had a dream to have a large family. When my oldest was born, I was in bliss, it was everything my heart hoped for. Then in December of 1999 I had a miscarriage and was devastated. I prayed for God to let that child stay. Then I was blessed the following year with our second child. Then the doctor told me that I should not have any more children. My dreams seemed like they would never be fulfilled as I had thought. Five years passed where I tried so hard to give up the dream, I begged God to take the desire for more children from my heart. I wanted a new dream, something I saw as attainable. Then we set out to adopt our first time and time after time we were passed over by birthmothers. I started to think I was cursed that maybe I wasn't a great mother and that God was punishing me by leaving that desire in my heart and yet making it impossible to fulfill. One day in my quiet time the Lord led me to this passage in Isaiah 54:
1 "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD. 2 "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes. 3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. 4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. 5 For your Maker is your husband-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. 6 The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-- a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God. 7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. 8 In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the LORD your Redeemer
After I read this I felt like the Lord was spurring me to wait on his timing and that my time of waiting was going to come to an end. I cried as I read it and told the Lord if you will fill my tent I will open it wide. Shortly after that we adopted 2 of our girls, the following year we had 3 more come home. Now again we are making room for our 8th child. Tomorrow she walks out of the orphanage forever into her family. We walk from a family of 9 to a family of 10. So anyone who can't quell that unattainable thought in their mind, hold fast. God does not disappoint!
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