The Empty Cup

It has been a long few months in my life, from last July until Jan. I have had either a personal health or family difficulty every month and some months every week.  I kept pouring out my cup a little at a time, and eventually my cup ran dry.  I am speaking of spiritually.  I knew I wasn't myself, I was inside my own head, question everything, letting old fears and insecurities to crawl in, slowly and slowly as my cup emptied into my circumstances and was being refilled with insecurities and fear.  I didn't realize it but I was slowly letting myself slide away from my first love, God.  I didn't even see it coming until I found myself ready to go back to life before I agreed to walk in his Love.  The scary part is, it was making sense....it had seemed like circumstance after circumstance just kept being a reminder that maybe God called the wrong person, or the wrong time, or I heard the wrong callings... I mistook weakness in myself as a weakness in God.  Then a week ago or so I see that my husband had put on the calendar, make no plans this weekend.  He just said he was working on something.  Come to find out he had got a hotel room at a local hotel, he made a mini retreat for me to reconnect with my first love.  He prepared a set of videos and music for me to watch and listen and praise with. He knows I recharge with quiet.  I just needed sometime to sit with my Savior, I need to put away the noise of the circumstance and let the lies slip away just long enough to remind who I am.  I am NOT the insecure, fearful woman I used to be, I am a child of the King, I am a princess, I am the bride of Christ.  I have a job to do that circumstance does not dictate, it is only dictated to me by my King and Father... I mistakenly believed for awhile that suffering was a sign of trouble or that I was doing it wrong, but reality I learned and was reminded that suffering is often how God gets our attention.  Trouble is often something we have earned because it will strengthen and make me stronger in running the race of life.  Jesus's circumstance did not dictate his value or his purpose, so therefore it does not mine.  So now with more than 24 hours of doing nothing more than soaking in the word, it has reminded who is my hope, my peace, my song, my life.  I was reminded that fear is nothing but "faith in the enemy".  It is OK to grow weary, because sometimes that is our reminder that we cannot do this in our own strength, as long as we remember to plug into the Word of God and draw in new strength.  I am so grateful for husband who will not selfishly keep me as his bride, but lovingly tends to my relationships with my God.  My cup is full, and I can now more effectively pour out to those I encounter.