Memory Lane

Back to regular blogging :)  Today I got a surprise in the mail.  My father had sent a box filled with old pictures from my childhood and all sorts of old report cards, tooth fairy letters, Christmas lists I had written. I spent the afternoon walking down memory lane.  Somethings made me laugh, like my insistence to the tooth fairy that for my first tooth I wanted a Susan B Anthony coin, and then for my 5th tooth I wanted gum and 10 dollars.  Others made me tear up, like an old book my mother read to me all the time as a child that when I saw the pictures my eyes filled with tears. Even typing this I had to pause and go wipe away the tears.  I had so many memories flood me as I looked at the old pictures of me and my siblings and the early days of my marriage.  Why is it we only appreciate things after they have passed?  Or maybe its just me.  I remember during those days thinking everything was so normal or even dull or frustrating.  I used to live so close to my parents and siblings that we would get together for every holiday, weekend, bbq.  I would meet my sister at the park so our children could play.  I sat in my basement and sang songs with my brother. When anyone needed a sitter, family was just there.   It was all I had ever known and yet my heart was drawn to see the world and experience new things.  After my mom died part of me wanted to leave the painful memories and make new ones.  So we moved away 8 years ago.  I can see how great it was for me in many ways.  It made me take chances and learn how to be independent.  In some ways I look back and regret that I didn't stay, that I let those connections fall.  What I have learned though is no amount of close friendships can replace family, even if you argue or don't see eye to eye, family is family.  You have a red thread that passes through that binds you together forever (or maybe this is just the Italian in my family blood).  Even now I am guilty of missing the moment.  Held back by frustration or fears I neglect to think about 10 years down the road when we pull out the pictures how precious these days are.  I forget that those strong bonds my mom and I had through a book or a hug trumped any bad day.  That for my children I may make mistakes, they will make more but someday they will pull out a picture or a book and remember how much they loved.  I need to learn how to enjoy the moment and stop seeking the future and missing the past.  I think that for me living like this is much easier.  I am a deep feeler, I have a hard time shutting off my emotions unless I can box it out in my mind.  The hardest stuff I tuck deep away.  My dad use to describe me as a soda bottle, I keep stuff in and push it all down but sometimes when things get shaken up everything comes out.  I think its what makes me such an introvert. So anyway, I encourage everyone to stop today and look around and take it in.  These are the pictures in 10, 20 and 30 years you will look back on with nostalgia, make sure you enjoy them!