He didn't have to save me

The other night as I was laying down to go to sleep, I had a very vivid memory. Not sure why it came to mind, but I was remembering a particular night when I was pregnant with Alex. I was 26 weeks along and had started having contractions. They sent me to the hospital where they gave me some medication to stop the contractions, soon they realized it wasn't working and the contractions were still coming. They eventually transferred me to a bigger hospital in Boston where they had a NICU for babies this premature just in case. So fast forward a day they have me on a new medication magnesium sulfate...awful stuff! While on it I seemed to have aspirated and got fluid in my lungs the fluid increased greatly until it was in my lungs and around my heart, so they transferred me to the respiratory ICU. So here I am 6 months pregnant a non-re breather mask inflated on my face, crazy stockings on my legs that keep inflating, a maternity nurse next to my side 24 hours a day monitoring Alex in my womb. This night that I was thinking about was a scary night, I had fallen asleep when all of the sudden all sorts of beeping noise starts going. I realized I couldn't take a breath, at least not a very deep one. Nurses and doctors came running in and all I remember is total confusion people telling me to calm down adjusting this and that and putting stuff in my IV. I remember being scared for me, for my baby and for my family. Fast forward shortly after they told Randy I probably didn't have much longer and they plan was to take Alex by c-section if it came to that and try to save her at 26 weeks. Mind you I was 19 and Randy was 21. This wasn't quite the life we had planned. Something humbling about going from being a 19 year old girlfriend to a 19 year old asking said boyfriend to help with a bed pan. Anyway I was thinking about what it must have felt like for my parents, they sat in the waiting room and came in to visit and cheer me up. I can't imagine what its like to see your child with that going on. Miraculously, and I can say that because its what the doctor said, the fluid started to go away, they didn't know why or what had happened, but a few days later I was stable, still pregnant and ready to go home. I wasn't saved at the time,I had no relationship with Jesus. I was thinking this week about that very fact. I wasn't just a few moments from dying, I was also a few moments from being eternally separated from Jesus. I wasn't a bad person as some would describe, I was in sin, the very fact of being pregnant before marriage can attest to that. However God never says in His Word that we have to be decent or good enough for salvation. He actually agrees, yep we all sin, no one is immune. He already said that the wages of sin is death. Way before I sinned this was His way. I don't pretend to know the whys of His ways because He tells us His ways are higher then our ways, so it would be futile for me to rationalize it. I do know God is proven to be just, fair, righteous and since he can't contradict his nature, his ways are true. So back to my thinking. In my sin he saved my life. He had no obligation to save me that day, no obligation to save Alex. In fact weird enough when I woke up after that awful night, the song stuck in my head Love Lifted Me. It wasn't a song I listened to and I had no idea where it came from, but it played in my mind. A few years later I miscarried a baby and I begged God to save that baby, it didn't happen and then 2 weeks later I learned I was pregnant with AJ. At the end of that pregnancy at 34 weeks I developed HELLP syndrome a severe form of pre eclampsia. Again my life was at risk and the only option was to deliver AJ, and at 4lbs 6ozs AJ was born. He was in the NICU with tubes in his throat, I was in my hospital bed sobbing feeling like I had let him down. The doctors said he might be in the hospital for up to 6 weeks. His stay ended up being 5 days. He grew, he breathed on his own and he ate, and we were able to bring him home. Again in my sin God had no obligation to heal me or him, but he choose too. Shortly after that my brother explained to me what Jesus meant when he said we must be born again of the spirit. I prayed to God confessed I was a sinner in need of a savior, that I couldn't do anything to "get" salvation, I couldn't earn it or create it. I needed Jesus to enter my life and accept what He did on the cross and turn from things I was doing and follow Him.

Why its all important. Jesus promises in the Bible that those whom call on Him for salvation can never be plucked from his hand. That His act of dying on the cross is the only way sin can be forgiven and the only way we have access to the Father. I am not making it up! Look in your Bible and see! God gave me a second and then a third chance to live. I have surrendered my life to the one who saved mine both physically and spiritually. I have had my eyes opened this week to the depth of my gratitude. He didn't have to save me, but he did. I hope I never lose sight of this and live my life as someone who has nothing else to live for but His purpose and I hope my story leads someone else to know Christ. I am always happy to answer any questions about what it means to follow God and what my faith is all about!