The journey

While I hoped this post would talk about our newest little girl settling into our home, it is not to be. I really don't know much details other then the person whom was to place her with us somehow lost or changed custody of her and decided to just leave us with the information, she is no longer available for adoption and her lawyer isn't talking either. I almost expected it as the woman went from calling multiple times a day and hurrying our lawyer to not returning calls or emails for days at a time. Having been through failed adoptions before, you kind of just know. Your heart hangs on, but your head readies itself. Its like when I miscarried our baby and my heart hung on when physically I knew the baby was slipping away. However unlike in the past I let myself feel sad for awhile, but was able to pick myself up. I realized how much a decision to add to our family 5 years ago has turned into our ministry. How I will not put a limit on how many children God will allow into our lives. Its not always easy, it can be frustrating at times. It has required sacrifice, but doesn't anything worth something? I have been blessed to be a missionary in my own home. God has brought the mission field to my dining room table. As I was at church one Sunday, I was praying about how to help the African orphans that tug at my heart. I started thinking what would it feel like to hold one of their little bony hands and let them know they are loved. I was interrupted by a little African boy putting his arms up for me to pick him up. As I picked up Zeke I realized how God worked, here in my arms was that mission field. He isn't the 11 lb bony baby I picked up in the airport, he is a 40 lb wild man, but he knows he is loved! He knows who Jesus is and he knows he has a future. So how can I ever turn away one of His children. What more value is my life then theirs. No they won't always come home, as we have known with numerous kids, but God knows who will walk through my door and we will always keep our door open.

Perhaps we are no different

I had a thought today as I was sitting in church. I was listening to the sermon and thinking about the New Testament and thinking, how easy it would be to have faith when Jesus was walking among people and you could see his miracles. I thought how foolish were those who swore they knew him and he couldn't be the Messiah, or how blind to see that this man was not an ordinary man trying to pull off a few tricks. Yet I stopped myself when I thought about it. How much more do we see the Holy Spirit among us today, through transformed lives that not only I have witnessed but have lived! How active the Holy Spirit is daily and yet we too can be foolish to call it coincidence, circumstance or unexplained. How quickly we write off the crazy idea that its all somehow of God. We are no different sometimes then those who would see Jesus restore sight to the blind right in front of them and yet still deny Him. How far we have come as a society in so many ways and yet how primitive are our understands of who He is.

Why me....

I read another blog recently that sent me thinking. It talked about those time we are all guilty of throwing the little pity parties. You know the days where you say why me.....I swear some days its like the teen years never left my emotions. I can be known as a bit of an emotional roller coaster. I am guilty of the why me Lord prayers. You know the Lord I have ticked off all the religious boxes, I am not consciously breaking any major laws........why me.......why can't it just be easy. But this blog post asked.....why not me? Why shouldn't it be me? Why am I any more worthy of an easier road then anyone else? It really changed my perspective. Here I am asking a God who lifted me out of the thorns of sin unscathed into eternity, whose hands bled while saving me from the thorns I willingly walked into, why can't I have it easier....... Really what right do I have to expect and sometimes embarrassingly enough demand my way to a holy God who very well could have poured his wrath out on all humanity. Seriously have you been out of the house lately, have you noticed how humanity isn't always acting very holy? Ten minutes on the news is enough for a holy God to say shut down the people operation, they aren't interested in the life I have to offer. But thankfully he doesn't, he is infinitely more patient then I am. I have the blessing of knowing I have the Holy Spirit within me, in fact there is no one more built to withstand the hard times then one who can claim that. Why not me, why not take on the suffering or really its an injustice to call most of it suffering in comparison to others around the world. Why should I not taste a piece of what my Savior suffered for my sins. How can I fully appreciate the sacrifice at the cross if I can not withstand the small discomforts or larger suffering moments of life. It really has changed my perspective.

Schooling and sickness and September Oh my!

I used to be good at regularly blogging...maybe I am getting old or something. They seem to come in monthly updates now! School is going much smoother this year. Worked out many of the kinks last year and found a good routine, although I am always adjusting the schedule a bit. We seem to have not been able to avoid the back to school flu. I will blame it on a certain 4 year old who seemed to have brought this lovely virus to our home. He had it, I had it, my husband and daughter now have it. The good news is, it has given us plenty of home time to get things in order and get our routine cemented for the school year. Then there is our big news, if your on facebook with me you already know it, but we are going to be adding #8! As much as we would love for it to be our Keith whom we haven't yet given up on after 3 years, its our surprise. Her name is Zia Joy. She is 6 years old and we are just waiting for paperwork between states to bring her home. We are thrilled about our new addition! We weren't planning on adding a 6 year old daughter, but once I saw her little face I had that feeling in my heart. I look at waiting children a lot, but sometimes one of the faces stands out and I know I am to pursue the situation. Sometimes they don't pan out and I realize that it was another child to add to my prayer list but this time it was a good match and now our prayers are for the paperwork to go through supernaturally fast and be bringing her home forever. Not sure how it affects the name of this blog......perhaps since one is a teen she isn't a dwarf and adding in a new dwarf would keep us at 7 dwarfs....but what would that make her..... a gnome, an elf....not sure. Something to ponder while I wait for the call to bring her home!

New School Year

We are starting our new school year next week. Last year being our first homeschooling year was a trial, I described it to some of our kids as our caterpillar year. We inched along trying this and that, dropping what wasn't working, overcoming obstacles... This summer we took a break (well most kids, some either wished to work ahead or had to catch up on what they were behind on before we started homeschooling). Every single child met all their goals this past year. I felt like I could breathe again. I think my biggest fear homeschooling was somehow I would end up with at least half a year behind and too many antisocial people :) However to my surprise (seriously I was surprised) I have 7 kids either up to grade level or beyond! I have kids who have friends, hobbies, interests and we haven't had a lot of trouble (from most). So I have named this year our butterfly year. We are going to burst forth from our summer cocoon and take off this school years with less worry that this whole homeschool thing works. Granted I know it will get stressful, so I am not being naive! Whats actually been stressful for me has been trying to figure out where I fit in when it comes to relating to others. I am definitely not an on the go mom, I really don't need to feel like I get out every day. Not that I am a total hermit :) I do enjoy visiting with friends or meeting up for lunches or coffee. I enjoy the occasional trip to the zoo or the park. However I have noticed that homeschooling parents are as diverse as public school parents. Some are involved in activities every day, whether its field trips or lessons. Some are very conservative and they don't do any tv or movies. I have a hard time finding my own place. Here's the confusing part, in my home I know what I think I should be doing, but I have this bad habit of comparing my situation to those around me. Then I feel guilty that I am not more like this one or that one, but to either extreme. Whenever I try to do what so and so did just for the sake of being "normal" or "better" I end up feeling stressed or annoyed and I cannot capture what looked so inviting about their ways. I have always said I am a "grass is greener" person. I am happiest being home caring for my family, having my little garden and my many meal preparations. I am most stressed when we have a full calendar and people need to be at this field at this time for this practice. I miss my family when we get too busy. I am not sure the point of this now......got kinda off track. Anywho so this is our butterfly year. I am hoping that God brings us some new family members this year! Not sure who or how, but its always in my heart :)

Birthday!

I had another birthday! I turned 33 this year and was quickly asked by my 7 year old son if cars were invented back then. My husband made dinner, my 13 year old made the cake and my sister and her family joined us for dinner. It was a special night! In fact my 6 year old daughter even decided to beatbox while they sang Happy Birthday! It got me thinking today how blessed I am. I really can't think of any other life I would rather be living. Some days are hard or sometimes I am guily of wanting more or less but over all I am a very blessed lady. I have no idea what this year will bring, not sure I want to. I have learned that sometimes not knowing is exactly what we need to depend on God. I know we will be homeschooling, this year will be a little easier knowing I have one year behind me! We are fully homestudy ready, but I have no idea if anyone will join our family. Once you get this big its harder to find people who have children to place who are open to bigger families. I hope by this time next year to have a garden in the back yard and maybe a pool!

The People Zoo

Alex and I were doing a devotional book together and one of the questions asked if I wrote a book about our life what would I name it......so I said .....The People Zoo. So now true stories from our people zoo.................

One child actually decided to lick the toothpaste stuck on the inside of the sink.............EWWWW

Same child on an excited jaunt from the bathroom to the sprinklers outside deposited her clothes in a path leading down the hall.

Same child decided to pinch another child twice and then was told to go to time out, but to save time since she was in a chair on wheels, we just wheeled her to the time out spot.

A different child went to take a shower, only remembering pjs.........forgetting towels and undergarments, which I needed to deliver

While delivering said items, my husband had told a different smaller child that he was going to get his shower ready in a minute.....as we were about to move a dresser into another room, which moving that we notice a totally naked little one ready for his shower running through house to let us know!

Some families get jazzed about the unveiling of the latest vacation spot......no not us, the kids and I were all excited for the unveiling of the new chore chart for the new house (seriously some kids were super excited.)

This morning I awoke to a certain 4 year old walking quietly over to my bed to let me know he was up, why so quiet?? He found his older brothers baseball socks, had hiked up his pj pants and pulled them up to his thighs.

Ahhh its a glamorous life ;) Wouldn't trade it for anything!