I have a secret to share!!....for a price.....

I got some mail today that got me thinking. It was innocent enough, just a paper flier suggesting I attended a Christian woman's conference. It included a whole host of women speakers who apparently have some good encouraging news for me that will help my walk with God. Now I am not being cynical, I believe greatly in sermons and love hearing people speak of God. Yet as I perused the flier more and more I noticed that under all this was the fee 139 dollars if I were to share a hotel room with 4 people, 319 dollars if I choose to go it alone. That of course does not include transportation to get there, food and incidentals. Perhaps its the frugal in me.........that doesn't sit right. I feel like if these women truly feel God has given them something important to tell the world, they should do just that....tell the world. I fail to find the bible story where they rented a center and charged money to hear the people tell the good news......... I realize people need to make a living, but is this reminiscent to anyone regarding a certain bible story where people were making money in the temple and Jesus tipped the tables? If these women know something important, if they are called to inspire other women shouldn't it not be limited to those who can afford it? And on that note, 300 is hundreds of times most of the worlds yearly wages.... Is this the best way to honor God and serve others? In the name of God can that be justified? Could it not be better spent on food for the hungry, clothes for the cold or bibles for the weary? But then again what do I know.....I haven't attended :)

Anguish

I have a confession, I had let my fire burn low, I have not stoked the flames. I have had a passion for children for as long as I can remember. As I got older I tried to take it on, tried to fight for those who have no voice. I believed that I could impact the world one little child at a time. I could not look at pictures of orphans without feeling my heart break. We adopted 2 little girls and I thought this would quiet this inner voice, but the voice got louder, we adopted 3 more children and again I thought surely I have done my part and this voice will quiet. Only again it got louder. Yet to quiet this feeling I pulled in the worlds thoughts, I cannot save them all, there will always be more, its too hard, I will be doing all of my children a disservice if we keep bringing more home or if we go out to where they are. Yes it quieted, yes I was able to pretend it wasn't there, but I also saw a large portion of who God made me dissipate. I saw the quiet stillness of indifference sneak in, the coldness not just chill my passion for orphans but also my passion for life. I never had a word but passion for the feelings in my soul, it didn't seem like the right word. Passion should feel invigorating, amazing and lively. This was more of a sadness that drove me, a deep sense of injustice that I could not remove from my inner most being. Then I watched this video clip and it summed up what it is I have felt, what I have tried to ignore, that which captures my soul........anguish.........anguish over the children, the most helpless people. The tiny Zeke's in Africa who will take their last breath today because no one cares, the JD who is drinking from a dirty river and worms are invading his stomach and taking the tiny nutrients he needs to live. The Hannah who cannot find a soul who cares and turns her life to prostitution to sell her body to the highest bidder and in the process lose her dignity. The Caley and Riley who will grow up in the projects and find drugs a good way to take away the struggles of where they grow up. The drugs which will lead them too to crime, prostitution and jail. The Alex and AJ's who will grow up with it all and never be able to see those on the other side, who can be so blinded by the things of this world, that they never feel the need to look to a Savior, who live so comfortably that they cannot comprehend that they are poor in Spirit and are just as in need as those in Africa. We would never admit we don't care, but oh we don't. We can live as though these people aren't there, that these problems don't exist that we can't fix it all so why try attitude! Oh Lord forgive mankind for living in a world where we can overlook the brokenness of the world and still decide that our comfort and happiness is paramount! For the child I have in Liberia waiting on governments to move, for the 5 children who will spend this Christmas in a group home, my anguish has overflowed and my heart has again become raw for the fatherless.

Unexpected things!

Yesterday I heard about a little boy in an orphanage that needs a family by the 31st of October. If he did not find a home he would be transferred to an orphanage where he wouldn't be eligible for adoption. He is in a country that normally does not allow large families to adopt. However I sent an email just asking if they would make an exception because of his immediate situation. I really expected the woman to tell me that we wouldn't be able to help and I could let my conscious rest knowing I did all I could do. However she asked for more information and a picture of our current family and she is going to present it to the people in the other country to see if we can get an exception. This little boy is 7 years old and has some special needs. So now I sit and wonder.......will he be ours??? I told Alex today,I might not always do everything the best or know how its all going to work out but I hope God will say at least I tried! The thoughts of a hopeless future for a 7 year old orphaned child makes my heart break. So I will keep everyone updated!

Blogging slacker

I have been a blogging slacker. It hasn't been intentional. It hasn't been a test or some great thing I am trying to prove. Its just been life :) Homeschooling the kids has been keeping me busy. That along with the church plant that Randy and I have joined up with here. We have agreed to take on the Children's ministry. I have also been thinking a lot about something our pastor had said about working. He reminded us that we are made to work. He also reminded us that our work is done when Jesus returns. So I started thinking about life. I don't believe that caring for the orphans is a calling, it is a command. We are commanded to care for the widows and orphans. For me I have often thought great I have had 7 kids and technically they were all born before I turned 30 (granted some came home after I turned 30). Lately I have been looking at the world and how little it really takes to change a child's life. What impact a family has on kids. I am not a perfect mom and we are not a perfect family. I have cried many a tear over a child. I do know though that my 11lb 11 month old baby boy who couldn't sit up in Sept of 2007, is now an extremely tall and happy and healthy almost 4 year old. He loves his family, he is learning his abcs and he sleeps securely wrapped up in his blankets every night. I know that my girls who came to us scared and lonely with big tired bags under their eyes have found true rest in our home. They are 2 smiley extremely bright little girls who love life. I have seen my oldest 2 children learn to share their parents and lives and rooms and toys with 5 strangers without complaint. I have a 9 year old who came to us a tiny, malnourished, scared 6 year old who now is strong, healthy and looking forward to a life including college and a family. The life she left would have likely led her to poverty and exploitation. I see my 6 year old little boy who has taken 3 years to truly laugh. He was our silent boy in Sept of 2007, his bloated belly full of worms. He would listen and follow, his words slow and stuttered. Now we have to remind him of his manners when he boldly speaks out, he is healthy and finally we hear him giggle and laugh over silly songs and stories. Like I said we are definitely not perfect we don't have the answers and we live a busy life, but that said, I am ready for more work. I am ready for more if God sees fit. I have found myself lately looking at sibling groups of up to 8 children and mentally figuring out how we can make it work. I know that 8, 10, 12 or more kids sounds crazy, but usually its in the crazy not the mundane that God shows up in a mighty way. I don't know where it will lead, only God does, but I do hope that we can continue to have the privilege to cry, laugh and pray for more little (or big!) ones.

Milk and Dyes

Recently I have learned something about my littlest Zeke. He is 3 years old and he is HYPER....that is not what I learned, I already knew that. Anyone who has met him will agree, he is a sweet kid, but extremely hyper. He is the kid that scaled the crib, climbed the windowsills, jumps down the stairs. About a year ago I realized that dyes in his food especially red40 exacerbated his symptoms, he would eat jello and then roll around on the floor back and forth, jump on couches.......So we quickly removed as many dyes as we could from his diet. Which is surprisingly hard to do! There are dyes in EVERYTHING!!! Its actually quite concerning when you stop and look at how many dyes we put into our bodies and our kids bodies. So moving on he still was hyper and as he gets bigger it becomes more of a problem (did I mention he is in the 90% for height and he at 3 wears a size 12 shoe!) So recently I read that milk allergies can cause hyperness. So I decided to experiment and took him off milk for a few days.......it was crazy how much more calm and focused he was. I gave him some milk one day to test and he soon after was back to wild. So we are trying now to take most of the milk out of his diet for awhile and see what happens. We also learned last year that AJ has a pretty bad lactose intolerance. So we have been trying to find lots of milk free, dye free foods........Again most of what we eat had milk or dye! So over the next few months I am going to try to transition to cooking most of our own foods, sandwich breads, snacks, cereal........ Not sure how it will go as I am great at the planning and not always great at the follow through. So now I will be mom, teacher and allergy sensitive cook :)

Remembering 9/11

I remember I just walked into the house from a doctor's appointment. Alex was 3 and AJ was 1. I put my things down and flipped on the Today show, just in time to see the first plane hit the towers. I was stunned, thought at first it was just a bad accident. We were living in the northern part of Connecticut at the time and Randy was working in Boston. As details emerged that it was a terrorist attack I tried calling everyone, but our line kept saying all circuits were busy. I was so afraid! The whole thing seemed impossible. I never felt such a pride to be an American, I was never so thankful to know that I knew Jesus in a personal way. I cried overtime I saw firefighters in parades. I watched the attempt of terrorists to take away my faith in both my country and my God and yet for the first time I was putting flags up everywhere, I wasn't missing a moment of church, I was learning what it meant to be blessed and how to pray for others who were hurting. It made me appreciate our country in a way I couldn't express, that is life for so many who face terrorist attacks daily. Today I stand with all the people expressing my sympathy for those who lost a loved one on 9/11. I also stand to say today is the day to ask Jesus to be your savior, we don't know what tomorrow brings so please do not wait.

In 50 years..........

It won't matter that I got more sleep, my house was well decorated, I figured out how to use make up or that my house was never picture perfect. It won't matter that I am not 100% confident in how to do it all right or that I had enough "me" time..........

It WILL matter who is gathered around me and how many people I touched.