Hey, when did I forget I liked that....

The other day I was taking our little puppy out at night and while waiting for her to....well do what puppies do....I looked up at the stars. It was a cool night but not cold and I suddenly remembered, I love looking at stars, its so relaxing. I thought about how many times I would sit outside or as a kid bring out some binoculars with my sister and check out the stars. Later we were talking about Florida and I was telling the kids how much I love the beach. A REAL beach, with warm sand, the sounds of seagulls and lapping waves. Then again I was thinking back to so many afternoons when I would go outside and watch the clouds form and drift, especially when storms were rolling in. Then at some point life became very busy....maybe it was the whole going from 2 to 7 kids in a couple years or something, but I stopped doing those things. I stopped doing them for so long I actually forgot I enjoy them! I also enjoy reading and taking baths, but again those have gotten lost in the busy! So I am making a point this year to get back to them. To take time to relax and look at the stars, read a book, watch the clouds. Life has got to be intentional or else it gets lost!!

Christmas

We had a very peaceful Christmas Day. This is the first Christmas in years there were no tantrums or tears. Granted the weeks leading up to Christmas did include that, including a not proud parenting moment when I announced Christmas was cancelled and I was taking down the tree.... Make me feel better tell me we have all had those days! However the actual Christmas Eve and Christmas Day went off without a hitch. I am thinking this morning about Keith, whom we have waited almost 4years to bring home. His birthday is this week, he will turn 14, he has missed another Christmas and another birthday and I have to say as much as we hold out hope, I have started to tuck away the fact that he may never come here. For the last few years we have hung up his special ornament each year and we will continue to, as he is our son in our hearts. Now onto the tasks God has given me for today...praying for no post Christmas meltdowns! Merry Christmas to all who may read this blog :)

Persistence

Our adoption journey hasn't followed any path I planned. In so many ways that is the beauty of it. After AJ was born I wanted to adopt a newborn, I love those baby stages and it was what I knew and what I was comfortable with. I would read too many stories of kids with "issues" and the problems and things that seemed too hard. Then there was the pride I knew I was a good mom, I had 2 great kids who listened and were pretty well behaved. Then we finally got on "the list" to wait to be chosen by a birth mother. A few months passed many times we got a call that said they are considering your family and then another call saying sorry you were not chosen. We prayed Lord we will take any baby regardless of race, situation or handicap. God heard us and sent us 2 toddlers, then another toddler, preschooler and school age girl. During our wait we often said things we will not do....adopt an older child (did it), adopt out of birth order (did it), adopt an abused child (did it), adopt a child with emotional issues (did it times many only did know it at the time!) God brought us all the I can handle that situations and you know what....its not easy but its beautiful. This time of year while full of fun and joy is also sensory, emotional capacity overload for a few of our kids and usually ends with a lot of behavior issues, but each year I see them grow emotionally and mature and I see the real miracle of Christmas, that like them we are chosen by a God who loves to lavish us with more then we ask for. He gives us the energy to persevere when it seems your forgotten or lost. This year again we put on our persistant attitude, without Keith here and without Baby we wait for the one whom God has chosen for us. I have learned to not guess if it will be an infant or a teen, a boy or a girl. I don't know if we will always have 7 or if we will be parenting 10, 15 or 20 more. I know I will keep telling God we will take any little one that you will allow us to parent and he will keep the beautiful blessings flowing, because as we know, thats what a father does.

Bathrooms

In a family like ours no matter how many bathrooms there are in a house there is still a line. I know some people wonder if by homeschooling they get the same experiences as public school kids....well if one way is learning to stand in line and wait then yes they do :) We tell the kids during the week that they have to be up for breakfast and family devotions by 7:45 dressed and with their bed made. So usually by 7:15 the lines form. You can imagine the lines 2 to 3 kids deep dancing around waiting to get in and then we have the notorious ones who take FOREVER. People here they are in there and quickly get in line for another bathroom. Many times I will yell reminders to keep the line moving. Ahhh the things they make our family unique :)

Thankful

Its the time of year to reflect on thankfulness. We had a great family Thanksgiving. The new house was perfect because the kitchen and living room are attached and are big enough for us to all watch the Macy's day parade and cook! Last night I was laying in bed waiting to fall asleep and I was flipping through the channels and landed on Nightline. They were covering a story of 2 doctors who were working in Liberia at a hospital. I realized it was the hospital Zeke had been in shortly before we brought him home. I saw all the sick skinny babies that brought back memories of my 11lb baby being carried through the airport and put in my arms. He was so fragile, just recovering from Hep A. Anyone who knows Zeke now knows he is definitely not the small fragile type :) We actually say Zeke's bounce (like Tigger)! It made me reflect on just how thankful I am that we have hospitals, doctors and supplies. They commented that in Liberia there is 1 doctor per 100,000 people and in the US we have 1 doctor for every 200 people. We don't have to watch our children suffer with malaria or be told our newborn has a heart condition that could be cured if we had the surgery available. Liberia has one of the highest death rates for mothers in childbirth. I am not sure how God can use me in helping in that way, but I will be praying.

The journey

While I hoped this post would talk about our newest little girl settling into our home, it is not to be. I really don't know much details other then the person whom was to place her with us somehow lost or changed custody of her and decided to just leave us with the information, she is no longer available for adoption and her lawyer isn't talking either. I almost expected it as the woman went from calling multiple times a day and hurrying our lawyer to not returning calls or emails for days at a time. Having been through failed adoptions before, you kind of just know. Your heart hangs on, but your head readies itself. Its like when I miscarried our baby and my heart hung on when physically I knew the baby was slipping away. However unlike in the past I let myself feel sad for awhile, but was able to pick myself up. I realized how much a decision to add to our family 5 years ago has turned into our ministry. How I will not put a limit on how many children God will allow into our lives. Its not always easy, it can be frustrating at times. It has required sacrifice, but doesn't anything worth something? I have been blessed to be a missionary in my own home. God has brought the mission field to my dining room table. As I was at church one Sunday, I was praying about how to help the African orphans that tug at my heart. I started thinking what would it feel like to hold one of their little bony hands and let them know they are loved. I was interrupted by a little African boy putting his arms up for me to pick him up. As I picked up Zeke I realized how God worked, here in my arms was that mission field. He isn't the 11 lb bony baby I picked up in the airport, he is a 40 lb wild man, but he knows he is loved! He knows who Jesus is and he knows he has a future. So how can I ever turn away one of His children. What more value is my life then theirs. No they won't always come home, as we have known with numerous kids, but God knows who will walk through my door and we will always keep our door open.

Perhaps we are no different

I had a thought today as I was sitting in church. I was listening to the sermon and thinking about the New Testament and thinking, how easy it would be to have faith when Jesus was walking among people and you could see his miracles. I thought how foolish were those who swore they knew him and he couldn't be the Messiah, or how blind to see that this man was not an ordinary man trying to pull off a few tricks. Yet I stopped myself when I thought about it. How much more do we see the Holy Spirit among us today, through transformed lives that not only I have witnessed but have lived! How active the Holy Spirit is daily and yet we too can be foolish to call it coincidence, circumstance or unexplained. How quickly we write off the crazy idea that its all somehow of God. We are no different sometimes then those who would see Jesus restore sight to the blind right in front of them and yet still deny Him. How far we have come as a society in so many ways and yet how primitive are our understands of who He is.